


Before They Bulldozed Breadstix

by Killercereal



Series: Breadstix Universe [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, SFTF, Sugar from the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4638519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killercereal/pseuds/Killercereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santana and Brittany travel back from the future to find their time machine-joyriding daughter. "Yeah, I cant see what could possibly go wrong with this situation," Santana muttered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Lulu, mykindofparty, hufflepuffandpass and Lord Tubbington. Who may or may not all be the same person.

 

** Before They Bulldozed Breadstix **

**Lima, Ohio. Breadstix parking lot. 0200 hours**

In the deserted parking lot a discarded Dr. Pepper bottle rolled across the bays. An abandoned newspaper fluttered, becoming unfolded, the previous days news now spreading out across the concrete. If anyone had been hanging around Breadstix at 2am they may have noticed something odd. There was no wind.

The loose leafs of print flew violently up in the air then danced around each other as the air appeared to be sucked into a vortex four foot off the ground. The bottle rolled back and for repeatedly, disturbed by something unseen.

A screech of brakes and a high pitched scream of terror rent the air seconds after a crackle of electricity and a car appeared, rather astonishingly by anyone's standards, out of thin air in the middle of the lot. The newspaper plastered itself flat over the wind shield eliciting further screams as the car's occupants had not only landed in an unknown location but were now effectively blind.

Travelling at high speed, 88mph to be precise, the brakes squealed, with what would be pain if they were in any way alive, as they attempted to stop the vehicle as quickly as possible. 88 mph is however rather a fast speed to be going in a relatively small area and the car span around and slid over the smooth concrete until it came to a sudden stop into the side of a large metal dumpster by the back door to the restaurant.

The only way out of the car was via the passenger door, the drivers side being firmly embedded with the dumpster. The door opened upwards into the cool night air with a hiss and white smoke billowed out into the night. Two figures fell out of the car in a hurry, dressed in silver jumpsuits and helmets attached to what looked like scuba apparatus for self contained breathing. The shorter of the two pulled off the encasing helmet and threw it at the crashed car in a fit of temper.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" she shouted into the night sky. Her helmet bounced off the car and rolled to a stop at the feet of her partner. The second figure removed her own helmet with slightly more finesse and shook out her long blonde hair before admonishing her.

"Language, Santana!"

 

**Lima, Ohio. Lopez residence. 0200 hours**

In a darkened bedroom on the other side of Lima, light snoring could be heard as the bright red digital display on the bedside clock changed from 01:59 to 02:00.

18 year old Santana sat bolt upright in her bed staring straight ahead breathing heavily, a residual effect from the dream she had just had. Realising she was safely in her bed she looked around the dark room while catching her breath. Beside her the covers moved and a tousled head appeared to look up at her with sleepy concern.

"Wassup?" Brittany asked, her voice thick with sleep.

"I just had the weirdest dream."

"Awesome. That one's my favourite," Brittany murmured. She opened her eyes enough to take in Santana's mildly worried frown and scooted closer to rest her head in the other girl's lap and then wrapped an arm around her waist. "What happened?"

"I don't even know!" Santana sighed, her voice croaky, still in sleep mode.

Brittany's eyes closed and her head sank heavily on Santana's thighs.

"What do you think of Sugar?" Santana asked randomly before Brittany could doze off again.

Brittany squinted in confusion. "Huh?" She thought on the question for a moment. "I like her, she's cool. She'll get up and dance with me when no one else will."

"Don't you think she's a bit... odd?"

"All the best people are," Britt murmured, now definitely back on the way to nod. "Shhh, sleep now," she mumbled as she curled into Santana's side.

Santana stroked the hair back behind Brittany's ear then rubbed her own eyes and snuggled back onto the bed.

 

**Breadstix parking lot. 0205 hours**

"Well, that's the plan shot to hell."

Santana was talking to herself as she walked up and down the side of the wrecked car. She winced as bright green fluid leaked from somewhere under the car and trickled along the ground until it reached a drain and floated away into the Lima sewer system. Brittany stared at the toxic goo in fascination.

"I guess now we know how the giant alligator epidemic of 2013 got started," she whispered as though having a profound moment.

"We haven't been here for two minutes and already we're screwed. Great, just great."

"S, calm down."

"Calm? I am perfectly calm. What are we going to do now, huh? We going to have to go out in public and get the car fixed and I am wearing a silver jumpsuit!"

"They're cool."

"They're highly conspicuous and scream 2034." She paused and stared down at the numbers on the front right breast pocket as though seeing it for the first time. Puzzled she looked up at Brittany. "Why  _do_ they have 2034 written on them anyway?"

"So we don't get confused with when we're from."

"This was going to be a simple smash and grab. We were supposed to drive past the school then kidnap the most disobedient teenager in the world, drag her off the street and into the car without actually ever setting a foot on the dirt of this hell-hole of a town."

"We should go say hi to my Mom."

Santana stopped her pacing and stared in disbelief. "Britt, you promised to stick to the plan."

"But it's gone wrong so soon, we should see this as an opportunity. And take it."

"How many times do I have to go over this?"

"I want to see Lord Tubbington!"

"No, Britt! We cant risk you meeting yourself. Or myself."

"I miss him, I'd love to see him again. It's been fifteen years since he went on vacation to Europe and never came back. I just want to tell him its a bad idea to go and he should think about Florida or Vegas instead."

Santana raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Brittany unzipped the top of her jumpsuit to show a dangerous amount of cleavage. "If you let me see Lord Tubbington, I'll take you to Breadstix."

Santana froze, took several deep breaths and began to mutter, all the while her eyes on Brittany's chest.

"I am an adult, and my common sense is tingling. I don't need Breadstix. I haven't tasted those heaven sent buttery sticks of carbolicious goodness for twenty-two years but I don't need them. I am a strong, rational woman with a time machine and a wayward daughter and- God-damn I knew this was the worst idea ever!"

"What if the alligators got him?" Brittany's lip began to tremble. "And we could have saved him but did nothing and it was all our fault?"

"No, no, no, B. I, oh God, I just mean.. " Santana sat on the crumpled bodywork next to where Brittany was perched and put her arm around the other woman's shoulder. "We can see Lord T. At least he doesn't speak so he cant tell anyone if he sees us."

Santana slammed her free hand down on the car in frustration. "Wait until I get my hands on her. That girl is grounded for the rest of her life."

"Don't be so hard on her."

"She picked the lock, B! Picked the lock on the locked door to the locked garage with a locked up..." She turned and looked around the deserted, darkened lot before whispering the rest. "Time machine. Which was locked. Grounding is too good for her. Maybe flogging."

"Santana!"

"Kidding. Lets just find your daughter and get outta here."

"She's your daughter, too. She's got your potty mouth."

"Can we focus on finding the most disobedient teenager the world has ever seen?" Santana peeled a page of newspaper off the wind shield and scanned it for information not refuting the previous statement. "2012. Why did she choose this time anyway?"

"Um, actually. I kinda had already set it."

"Why?"

"I wanted to take you here for our anniversary. To before they bulldozed Breadstix."

"Babe, what are you talking about?" Santana's eyes filled with water. "That day was one of the worst of my life. I didn't sleep for three days because of the grief."

"Back to when you declared your love for me in front of everyone when we were chained to the front door of Breadstix. You were screaming at everyone a bit hysterically and just blurted it out in front of the reporters and the TV crews and cameras and Glee club and our parents. It was the happiest day of my life. Apart from when we got married and the day our baby girl was born, of course."

Santana smiled goofily at the memories, her grin widening as her wife leaned over and kissed her passionately. Eventually coming up for air, Santana leaned back, licking her lips looking slightly dazed.

"Okay, lets do this."

Brittany grinned in triumph until the next words left Santana's mouth. "First stop, Breadstix!"

"Wait, what?" Brittany's victory was short lived.

"I'm hungry."

"But it's closed and we don't have any money."

"You said you'd take me to Breadstix." Santana huffed.

"I meant when its open."

"We're from the future, B, we can get away with anything. Just some 'stix. There'll be a box of them somewhere."

"No stealing."

"I'm pretty sure I can still remember my dad's credit card number, we can pay for it."

"No, Santana!"

"Fine," Santana scowled and scuffed her toes against the concrete in a sulk.

"More importantly," Brittany tried to focus. "We need disguises, and code names. This is going to be so much fun. Hey, we could stay in my tree-house."

Santana did a double take.

"Hell to the nizzy no, we's be going to a five star hotel."

"We don't have any money and are wearing silver jumpsuits from the future," Brittany pointed out reasonably.

"Fucknuts."

"You know, if we went and found teenage me, I would-"

"No."

"But-"

"No. There's only a few hours until dawn. We'll fix the car and snatch Sugar from outside of the school."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Illegal schmeegal."

"I think you can get locked up for stealing kids."

"She's our kid!"

"We can just use the time machine already here. The one I built it over the summer. I never tried it cos I thought it wouldn't work but... here we are."

"Yeah, I cant see what could possibly go wrong with this situation," Santana muttered darkly as she caught a glimpse of an empty Breadstix box on the ground.

"It'll all work out fine," Brittany cooed in Santana's ear hugging her close. "Trust me."

 

**Lopez Residence kitchen. 0700 hours**

With avid concentration Brittany separated her bowlful of Lucky Charms, one side sugary-marshmallow mutation and one side whatever the fuck the rest of it was made of then proceeded to eat the sugary part then the rest after it. Santana had never understood this method, surely it all got mixed up in the end anyway.

Santana stirred her plain cornflakes around and around the bowl without once lifting the spoon to her lips. She stared into the depths of the bowl looking for answers, then asked.

"If you had a kid what would you call it? A girl kid, a daughter I mean... you know what I mean."

It wasn't often Brittany was lost for an answer but as she contemplated the question Santana had just asked she was totally lost for words.

"Umm..." Her brow creased with worry lines.

"No, forget it, it's stupid," said Santana shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Hey, it's not stupid. Is this about the dream you had?"

Santana squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. "I... it was just, really vivid."

"Want to tell me about it?"

Santana let out a sigh in relief that Brittany was taking her weird dream seriously and began to explain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Breadstix parking lot. 0700 hours**

As the morning sun climbed up into the sky Brittany crawled out from under the battered car and wiped her oily hands down her silver suit.

"What's the diagnosis?" Santana asked from where she was perched like a hood ornament, painstakingly filing her nails to perfection before she got distracted. "You make a really hot mechanic," she husked as she caught sight of sweaty, oily, grease monkey Brittany retying her ponytail, her arms up behind her head making her boobs stick out that much further.

"The front wheel is buckled."

"Guh... I mean, and?"

"And, that's it. The bodywork is a bit crumpled but its mainly cosmetic. There was a leak but I stopped that. We can take the parts off the original car in my garage and replace the damaged components. I finally figured out why I could never get the prototype to work, it's cos someone stole the front wheel. I even had the plutonium ready to test it and then bam! Someone stole a wheel. One wheel! I always wondered why someone would do that, now I know. After all the trouble I had to go through to get the plutonium as well. I remember the website I tried wouldn't accept my credit card."

"I, uh, what? You're so hot when you talk shop." Santana looked turned on and thoroughly puzzled at the same time, this time business could get complicated. "So, we don't have to seek out some weapons grade plutonium or lightning bolts or a flux carburettor or anything awkward like that?"

"Aww honey, you watch too many movies, and it's flux  _capacitor._  We find the parts and replace them and it should work."

"But that's so easy." Santana was amazed. "Deceptively easy, some might say."

"It's cos I'm awesome," Brittany shrugged.

"Yeah, you are."

"I know. So I was thinking, we should split up. I'll fix the car and you find Sugar."

"No," Santana looked panicked. "We really shouldn't split up. Ever."

"Honey, you don't know anything about cars or time machines or quantum physics. I think you should just track down Sugar."

"I don't think we should split up."

"I wont go anywhere, I'll be here almost the whole time. All I need is to get the parts."

"But what if you meet yourself?"

"Myself will be at school."

"I guess. What if I meet yourself? Oh my god, horny teenage Brittany. I don't know if I could handle that."

"Don't worry, I'm sure horny teenage me can handle you just fine," Brittany smirked suggestively. "Wait, is this the week we got suspended for getting caught having sex on Coach Sylvester's desk?"

Santana looked over at the date on the newspaper. "Uh, no, that's next week. Ahhh, good times."

"So, we're decided. You get Sugar and bring her here, where I will be waiting."

"Uh, I don't remember agreeing to that."

"Breadstix opens at 7:30 for breakfast. I'll buy you breakfast if you agree."

"Money?"

Brittany reached into her ample bosom and pulled out a hundred dollar bill.

"Whuh?" Santana gaped in wonder. "That wasn't there earlier!"

"It's from the emergency time travelling survival kit," Brittany said smugly. "Although I thought I'd stuffed more in there," she stared into the car in thought.

"In your boobs?"

"No, Silly. In the drivers seat padding."

"Whatever, we gots half an hour to look for more money in your bra and we could test the suspension on that car. Don't want to go through a vortex thing if the shock absorbers are busted." Santana slid off the hood and landed flush up against Brittany's front.

"Does this mean you agree to my awesome plan?" Brittany laughed at her wife's eagerness.

"I do."

 

**McKinley High. 0800 hours.**

"... And from then on every time someone opened their mouth, out spurted a rainbow!"

Santana and Brittany threw the doors to the school open their cheerios skirts swishing as they stalked down the corridor having been discussing Santana's dream the whole way to McKinley. Santana stopped suddenly and turned to look at Brittany who had been enraptured for the whole tale.

"So, what do you think?"

Brittany scrunched her nose with the effort of trying to picture Sugar. "She does look like both of us mashed up. She's super pretty and has awesome fashion sense."

"Oh my god, B!" Santana rolled her eyes. "It's not real."

Brittany frowned at her tone, then smirked. "Okay, so if it's just a dream, what you're saying is, you dream of having kids with me?"

"Well... apparently."

Brittany released their pinkies and instead hooked her arm around Santana's elbow. "We should check, just to be sure."

"What, that I can get you pregnant?"

"I didn't mean that, but yes we should check that too. We can just find out for sure if she's our daughter."

"No."

"It'll bug you all day otherwise."

"No, it won't. Just ignore her."

"But she's our friend! And what if it does turn out to be real?"

"What? Seriously?" Brittany scrunched her nose up and nodded.

"B!"

"What? It could happen. You should have more faith in your own daughter and in my mad time machine building skills, because seriously, how else do you think she got here?"

Santana shook her head in disbelief as they fell into step with Mercedes.

"Don't get mad at me. It was your dream and she's my daughter too so I can talk to her about it if I want," Brittany whispered loudly. Mercedes side eyed them curiously but thought it better not to ask. She really didn't want to know what they got up to at night or in their dreams.

As they bickered neither of them noticed Sugar entering the school not far behind them. She watched them with a smile in the midst of their heated discussion as she pulled her fluffy white ear muffs from her bag put them on then hoisted her bag onto her leopard print jacket shoulder and skipped down the hallway after the ex-Troubletone ladies.

 

**McKinley High, Choir room. Midday.**

Sugar was happily bopping her head slightly off beat to the music as she watched Mercedes and Puck singing in front of the glee club. As they were wont to do, her eyes flickered over to where Santana and Brittany were sitting together, Britt with her head resting on Santana's shoulder. Her eyes widened in surprise to find Santana staring straight back at her with what looked like suspicion. She gulped and turned to face the front of the room again.

_Oh holy sweet hell. Alert! Alert!_

Chewing on her lip she braved another glance only to get caught again, this time by Brittany staring like she knew Sugar was guilty of something. Sugar's heart began to race. She couldn't help it, it was natural to feel like she'd done something wrong when they looked at her like that.

_So not fair_.

She screwed her eyes shut and silently counted to ten then squinted through her eyelashes trying to appear to not be looking back at them. This time she noticed both Santana  _and_  Brittany watching her carefully. So not fair, she hadn't even done anything wrong! She pulled her furry hat down further over her eyes and moved a seat over to hide behind Finn's lanky, whale sized body for the rest of Glee Club.

Sugar was relieved to have slipped out of glee club before anyone else so as to avoid any unusual staring going on from certain people. She sang to herself as she rifled through her locker. "Locamotta. Whole lotta motta. Shuh-shuh-shuh-sugarrrrr."

A hand slammed against the locker next to her head. She jumped back a step, more startled than scared, dropping a car magazine, a bag of dots and a notepad. Without looking at the culprit she gaped in horror as her notebook fell open to a detailed schematic she had been sketching.

"What's that?" her intimidator demanded.

Sugar hurriedly picked up her stuff and clutched it tightly in her arms before answering. "Nothing."

Brittany popped her head over Santana's shoulder and beamed a happy smile at Sugar.

"Hi Sugar!"

Sugar couldn't help but smile goofily back. "Hi."

Brittany leaned over, draping herself around Santana's side having no hang ups over invading the two girls' personal space and stared at Sugar's belongings. "Why do you have an out of date magazine?"

"They're all out of date here," Sugar shrugged.

Santana's head tilted slightly as she paused to ponder that remark while Brittany scanned the cover of Sugar's magazine with avid interest. "Hey, is that an article on Deloreans? Can I borrow it when you've finished?"

"Uh, sure."

Santana shook her head in amazement. How was it these two teenage girls considered nothing of the fact that they were having a discussion on Deloreans like it was normal. "Why are you looking up Deloreans?" Santana asked more pertinently.

"Uh, I'm not? I picked up the wrong magazine at the dogs home while I was waiting for my chihuahua to finish visiting her girlfriend."

"Wow. I'm so sorry I asked."

"You have a chihuahua?" Brittany asked with interest. "Lord Tubbington, he's my cat, doesn't ever like going out to visit anywhere, even if I promise to buy him lunch."

Santana sighed as she noticed Sugar's interest become apparent in this random topic of conversation.

"You should come to the dogs home. He might get jealous and want to go with you."

"Anyway, as fascinating as this subject is," Santana hurriedly interrupted before they got into pet adoption fine detail and Brittany started getting ideas. "Troubletones meeting at 'Cool Mike's Ice Cool You Scream I Scream We All Scream For Ice Cream' ice cream parlour after school. Be there."

"But there aren't any Troubletones any more," Sugar bit her bottom lip in confusion.

"Yeah, well that's what the meeting is about."

Santana felt a mild stroke of guilt as Sugar happily agreed to be there after school.

 

**McKinley High School, Stalking the corridors during class**

Adult Santana tip toed down the deserted corridors of the school sweating profusely with nerves and jumping every time she heard a noise. She had painstakingly reached her teenage self's locker and quickly opened it to rummage around for some kind of disguise. A pair of Jackie O shades were all that would have to do.

"Hey, Santana. Nice spacesuit. Is there some weird Rachel Berry orchestrated, 80's glee thing going on I need to know about?"

Santana froze, shoved the glasses up her nose and took a deep breath. She shut the locker door and turned to face the owner of the voice.

"Uh I'm sorry, I thought you were..." Brad the piano player squinted behind his glasses. "Huh?" He muttered to himself and took his glasses off then reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a cloth to wipe them. When he'd finished polishing the lenses and replaced them over his eyes the hallway was deserted. "I gotta stop drinking so much coffee," he muttered to himself.

Meanwhile, Santana sprinted out of the school gates and down the road heading back to Breadstix. Screw this. She'd just tell Brittany it got too dangerous and they would have to double team it.

 

**Breadstix parking lot, behind the dumpster**

Santana sat in the Delorean fiddling with the radio and shaking her head in disbelief at the awful music the stations were playing. She couldn't believe she used to like that crap. It was just another reminder of what a shit hole Lima was. She hated the place and vowed she'd never come back. She opened the glove compartment and swore as the whole hatch pulled off in her hand and the contents fell out all over her feet. She looked up as a shadow dulled the light through the window to see Brittany leaning against the car watching with amusement as she tried to stuff everything back into the glove box. Santana smiled sheepishly and opened the door.

"Hi there."

"Hi, Gorgeous. Where's my sugar lump?" Brittany asked peering anxiously inside the car for any sign of her daughter.

"Yeah. About that."

Brittany folded her arms across her chest as a stern expression crossed her face.

"Brittany," Santana protested at receiving that look. "She's at school! Learning and stuff. We're supposed to encourage that, not drag her out of lessons whenever we feel like it."

"Try explaining it once again, why you didn't do the one thing you were supposed to do, why didn't you bring Sugar back with you?"

"There were like kids, everywhere, screaming all over the place. I couldn't risk them seeing me and discovering your super engineering ability and stealing the time machine and making us get stuck here, forever." She shuddered at the thought. "I forgot how much I hated that place and it smelt funny. And Brad saw me. And I got scared. And you weren't there." She pouted and fluttered her eyelashes hopefully.

Brittany sighed. "You're hopeless."

"Have you finished?" Santana asked, eyeing the huge duffel bag Brittany had placed next to the car.

"I got all the parts. Simple as, and it wont take long to fit them."

"Have I told you recently how freaking awesome you are?" Santana gazed at her wife in awe.

"Yes, it usually correlates with when you want something, but, you can tell me again." Brittany grinned climbing into the car and giggling as Santana pulled her onto her lap.

"I was thinking," Santana murmured in her ear. "We could finish repairing the car, and by that I mean you can, while I watch you and add helpful observations about how hot you look in that jumpsuit rocking the grease monkey look, then we can have that super romantic meal at Breadstix and then a super romantic night in a hotel with that super secret stash of money."

"There's only this hundred bucks left. It's weird, I'm sure I put at least ten thousand dollars in there."

"What?" Santana looked horrified, whether at the fact that Brittany had hidden ten thousand dollars in an ancient car seat or the fact that she had apparently lost it.

"Maybe I counted it wrong."

"Where did you get that kind of money?" Santana asked in shock.

"One of my prototype time machines didn't work properly, I think Sugar stuffed peanut butter in it one day while she was 'helping'. She was only three!" Brittany added in protest at the look Santana was giving her. "Anyway, the machine started duplicating anything that was put in it, so I thought it would be a good idea to put some cash in before destroying it. I blew it up straight after, just in case, because it might be really confusing to have a million Sugars running around."

Santana took a moment to picture that; a million Sugars. Oh dear lord, the horror, the expense, the constant power struggles. Then, realisation dawned on her. "Holy shit, Britt. That's where Sugar got all her money from! Remember? She was loaded back in school."

"She must have found the emergency stash in the car." Brittany frowned. "And is spending it like a teenager on the loose without parental supervision."

"We need to focus," Santana said seriously. "What I'm getting from this is, it's Sugar's fault we have to choose between Breadstix and sleeping in the car or, no Breadstix and a hotel."

"I guess... if you put it like that. Although I'm beginning to wonder if you're more worried about Breadstix than your own daughter."

"Breadstix it is."

 

**'Cool Mike's Ice Cool You Scream I Scream We All Scream For Ice Cream' ice cream parlour. After School.**

"Remember. Just to clarify, we are here to interrogate her not be nice and get ice cream." Santana stuck her arm out in front of Brittany, blocking the door to the ice cream parlour.

"A nice interrogation," Brittany prompted. "One like she doesn't know we're interrogating her. And we can still get ice cream though, right?"

Santana nodded absent-mindedly. "If that doesn't work we can try waterboarding her. Coach has pamphlets."

"San, be nice. Like you said, it was only a dream. It's not her fault if you dream about her. Do you often dream about other girls?"

"She's messing with my head. It's got to stop." Santana avoided answering the question and opened the door letting Brittany in first.

"Ohh can we do 'Good cop, bad cop'? Can I be bad cop?"

Santana shot her blonde counterpart a glare. "Seriously?" Brittany pouted and began to ramp up the look of dejection. "B, you're too adorable to be bad cop, you might scare me instead. Next time, okay?"

They entered the shop and made their way over to where Sugar was beginning to wonder if she'd been stood up, nervously sitting in a booth by herself. She beamed at the sight of the two girls. Santana slid into the booth but Brittany kept on walking calling back over her shoulder, "I'll go order."

Sugar faced Santana alone with wide eyes and a slight edge of nervous tension. "Where's Mercedes? Is she not here because she's on a diet?"

"What? Sugar!"

"Sorry, Aspergers."

"She couldn't make it."

"What about the other girls?"

"Couldn't make it. So,  _Sugar_ ," Santana gave her a predatory smile emphasising the other girls name. "If Sugar is, in fact, your real name?"

Sugar's brow wrinkled with worry lines and her eyes widened as she stared in shock at Santana.

"I like it!" Brittany said with a mouthful of banana split as she sat down and handed round three dishes of ice cream. "You know, I always thought Mike Chang owned this place but he swears he doesn't and cant get us free ice cream."

"Is Sugar a nickname?"

"No, it's my real name. You shou- eep."

"You what?"

"Nothing. Aspergers."

"Is Motta your real name?"

Sugar gulped and began to look rather uncomfortable. "Why do you ask?"

Santana shrugged nonchalantly. "Just curious."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Who's the president?"

"President Pierce," Sugar shouted out and raised her spoon in salute.

Brittany whooped and her and Sugar toasted with their ice cream glasses and did a little happy boogie in their seats. Santana watched them in astonishment.

"Smooth, very smooth."

"Oooh, can we get the 'Iced Everest' after this?" Brittany asked Santana.

"Whats that?" Sugar asked, curiously. "I've never been here before."

"Its a scoop of every flavour in this place with every topping they have," Brittany explained. "It's always too much for me and Santana to eat. We might finish it if there's three of us and if we do, we get it for free!"

"But what about the meeting?"

"Meeting's cancelled."

"So... Are you asking me to hang out?"

"Sure, why not?" Santana sighed, resigned to Brittany's unrelenting enthusiasm.

"Only if you want to," Brittany nudged the younger girl. "It'll be fun."

Sugar beamed at them. "Okay, cool."


	3. Chapter 3

**McKinley High school 11:00 am**

In the now fixed time machine/car, Santana circled the school parking lot like a hawk ready to swoop down and snatch a free space parking spot at the first sign of one.

"Why do all these kid have cars? That's why they're so fat, they don't even walk to school."

"Look, there's a space out on the main street," Brittany pointed, waving her arm wildly to indicate it nearly poking Santana's eye out in the process.

"A space? It's the size of a golf cart. Hey, isn't that Fabray's car?" Santana eyed the car next to the so called 'space'. "She never could park," she huffed. "There'd be room if she could stay in the lines and this car wasn't the size of a tank. B, as soon as we get home this beast has got to go. I mean, does it even have power steering?"

"Do you want me to park it?" Brittany asked, as softly as if she were about to provoke a charging rhino.

"No! I'm doing it!" Santana exclaimed huffily as she began to execute a twelve point reverse parallel park being sure to hit the bumper of Quinn Fabray's baby blue coupé as many times as possible as she parked next to her.

"San."

"I'm not doing it deliberately, Britt. It's this stupid car!"

"Calm down."

"I do not need to cal- Hey!" Her voice turned to a high pitched scream of outrage. "You fucking asshat, what the actual fuck are you doing?" Santana wound down the window and screamed at the cop happily slapping a ticket down on the windshield to their time machine/car.

"You don't have a school issued parking permit."

"I haven't turned the engine off yet which means I haven't parked. I know my rights!"

"Don't make me book you," the cop warned with a frown.

"Ha! I'd like to se- mmmmmph!" Brittany slapped her palm over Santana's mouth before she could cause further aggravation and get them into unnecessary trouble.

"Santana," she muttered through gritted teeth. "We don't have ID, driving licences and even if we did they'd think they were fake. Please don't anger the nice cop, okay?" Santana glanced over to see Brittany chewing her bottom lip anxiously.

"Is that a Delorean?" The cop asked curiously.

"Uh... yeah," Santana's anger deflated after looking at Brittany. "It's my wife's. Gotta go find my kid. You deal with it, Britt."

Santana got out and opened the trunk, pulling out Brittany's old motocross gear while Britt got out and discussed cool old cars with the cop. She took his photo standing next to it and he went on his way leaving them with two warnings. One for parking and one "You really shouldn't have animals loose in your vehicle, get a carry basket or something. Its not safe. Have a nice day, ladies."

Santana looked up puzzled at his words but Brittany just nodded and smiled. "We will, thank you," she said while giving her well perfected 'Thank you, Officer' smile.

"What animal? What was he talking about?" Santana asked with bemusement.

"Why are you putting off finding Sugar?" Brittany non so subtley ignored her question.

"I'm not. Of course I'm, that's not... That would be ridiculous. I mean, look at me I'm even putting on this poor excuse for disguise." She pointed to the pink and white leather motocross jacket she had just shrugged onto her shoulders which had a striking streak of mud across the chest.

"…"

"Fine, alright. We may have had a slight disagreement before she... disappeared."

"What did you fight about?"

Santana sniffed slightly, heralding the promise of oncoming tears. "I promised her a driving lesson then I had to work so I couldn't take her and I guess she didn't take it too well and tried to take this car and something went wrong." She took a deep, shuddery breath. "And my baby, my poor baby!" Santana buried her face in Brittany's shoulder and sobbed.

"Oh baby, it's okay. We're here, she's here."

"What if she's mad and doesn't want to see me?"

"Shhhh, shhhh. She adores you as much as you do her. She's trapped here and will be so happy we've come to get her, I promise."

"She wont be mad?"

"You'll be her saviour, she loves you."

"I love her so much and I upset her."

"Shhhh." Brittany rubbed her back soothingly until the tears subsided and Santana pulled herself together.

"She doesn't even know we're here yet," she hiccuped.

Brittany chuckled. "Oh she'll know when she catches sight of this car."

"This is all my fault. If she knew how to work it properly she wouldn't have got stuck here in the first place."

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to teach her how to use it."

"If I had she wouldn't be stuck here. What the- Jesus, Britt, your duffel is moving!"

"No, it's not."

"It is!"

"It's not." Brittany tried to step in front of the bag but Santana pushed her to the side. She opened it carefully to find Lord Tubbington burrowing himself into a motocross boot in an attempt to hide.

"Holy fuck, why is that fat fuzzy furball in here? That's where he went!" Santana gasped. "He didn't go to Europe on vacation. You stole him and took him into the future!"

Brittany had the good grace to look guilty and scuffed her boots on the ground. "Do you ever wonder what other weird things happened because of the future? What about when Quinn came to school with her hair green? And where did those boxes of Breadstix' Breadsticks come from?" she frowned after seeing the stack of cardboard containers taking up half the trunk.

Santana gaped at her, jaw open until Brittany looked up from her feet and side eyed her hopefully. Santana looked up into the sky for inspiration then ran a hand through her hair.

"That was cos she went swimming and the chlorine reacted with her hair."

"Oh." Brittany was looking up now with a hesitant smile curling at the corner of her mouth. "How do you explain Puck's mohawk?"

"There is never going to be an explanation for that." Santana sighed in defeat and leaned back against the car.

"There's another five hours of school." Brittany mused, looking up at the clock over the entrance to the school building.

"We'll wait."

"You wont be able to sit still for that long."

"I'm not leaving that smelly gremlin in the car to pee all over the seats and eat my breadsticks. Plus, that parasite cop is still around. That's how they get paid you know, commission on tickets. And we cant leave our only means of getting back home unguarded."

""Whoa now, Lord Tubbington is highly trained to Cheerio's standards and only eats lean bacon. And our means of transportation is cunningly disguised as a car."

"The car thief wont know that."

"What car thief?" Brittany loked around in alarm as though expecting to find a gang of car jackers eyeing up their vehicle.

"The one who'll steal our car. Probably Puck."

Come on, Santana." Brittany slammed the doors shut. "We're both going to get the girl."

"I guess no one would serioiusl want to steal that pile of junk," Santana pondered, then grinned wickedly. "I love it when you take charge."

"I know you do." Brittany smirked as she took Santana's hand and they walked into McKinley High for the first time in 22 years.

 

* * *

 

Within seconds it went wrong. A painful 'Ooooof' emitted from Santana's lungs as she barrelled straight into the back of Brittany who had frozen in the middle of the hallway. She gasped for breath, momentarily winded, then looked up to see what had caught Brittany's abrupt attention.

"The piano dude!" Brittany squeaked in shock.

Brad frowned and looked into his coffee cup as though checking it for some kind of chemical residue. Brittany took initiative, grabbing Santana and running. Brad stared after them. "I hate those kids," he muttered.

* * *

 

 

"PSST. PSST."

Sugar looked around the local area between the bleachers and the entrance to the school building and then for a reason known only to herself lifted her foot to look at the sole of her right shoe. Seeing nothing untoward, she lifted the other, shrugged and then walked off.

Adult Brittany's shoulders slumped where she sat nearby, hidden away under the bleachers where she had been spying on the student body for the past hour hoping to catch a glimpse of her errant daughter. Santana had got antsy about 50 minutes ago and had muttered something about stardom and heads and swore she'd be back with a sandwich. Brittany wished she'd hurry up as her belly grumbled with hunger, stolen breadstix only went so far.

She let out one more frantic, "Psst!" before Sugar got out of earshot but all thoughts of communicating further with her daughter disappeared into a black hole of horrified oblivion. To her horror her own face appeared in front of her, her own face looking curiously under the bleachers from one of the seats, her own face looking twenty two years younger than usual. They stared at each other with identical expressions of surprise and mild terror. Eventually, teenage Brittany broke the silence.

"Hi."

"Hi," Brittany whispered back.

Teenage Brittany crawled under the bleachers to join... herself, and stared unabashedly at 40 year old Brittany who scooted back a bit nervously.

The sound of raucous laughter caught their attention and they both looked over to where Sugar was skipping along happily beside teenage Santana and laughing along with whatever Quinn and Santana were giggling about. They both turned back to stare at each other once more.

"I thought you were Lord Tubbington," teen Brittany said. "He doesn't like it when I go to school without him. Did I make a time machine?"

Brittany cleared her throat and then murmured, "What makes you ask that?" She was momentarily distracted as her eyes darted to Sugar as she disappeared into the building.

"Are you here for Sugar?" Brittany asked curiously, noticing the object of Brittany's attention.

"Uh. No? I'm not allowed to meet you or talk to you or tell you anything."

"Okay." Teen Brittany frowned in thought. "Who told you that?"

Santana was going to kill her. She was going to absolutely blow a gasket and be so, so mad. Brittany gulped. "Santana said not to tell you that."

There was a disembodied hiss and crackle and then came the words.

# _B, come in. Over.#_

Teen Brittany looked at Brittany with interest as she heard a voice come in a crackly whisper from between her older, but equally as fine, boobs. "I like your boobs," she grinned, admiringly.

Brittany hurriedly reached in and pulled out a kids walkie talkie she had liberated from the Pierce's garage the previous day. It screeched in her hands as she tried to work it.

# _Santana, use the codenames!#_ There was a pause then Brittany sighed with frustration and spoke into the device again. _#Over.#_

There was another crackle and then came a rather unenthusiastic call.

#C _rusty breadstix to Pepperoni nipples, over.#_

Teenage Brittany enthusiastically snatched it out of her older persona's hands and pressed the transmit button.

# _Hello? Santana?#_

There was a crackle and then a hesitant.

_#What happened to code names, Britt? Why do you sounds weird? Over.#_

# _I always sound like this! Santana, is that you? What are you doing? I just saw you with Quinn.#_

# _I haven't even seen Fabray yet. What are you talking about?#_

Brittany took the hand held device back off her younger self and spoke into it.

#The babybird has been spotted.# _S_ he paused trying to think of a way to put this that wouldn't make Santana freak out. Ah, who was she kidding? There was no easy way to put this.  _#Also, that thing you said must absolutely never ever happen, the thing that's as big as Lord Tubbington's waistline? Well, it might have happened.#_ She waited for a reply then shook her head and spoke into the radio again.  _#Over.#_

# _What thing? Over.#_ Santana's reply seemed cool and somehow rather ominous.

#You should really see for yourself. Can you come to the bleachers, please? And bring me a blue slushy. Over.# _S_ he looked over at cheerio clad Brittany who was pointing to herself. _#Make that two slushies, please. Over.#_

 


	4. Chapter 4

There was an awful universe crunching silence as the two Brittanys sat together under the bleachers waiting for Santana's inevitably furious arrival.

"Are you sure it didn't work?" Teen Brittany pleaded.

"What didn't work?"

"The time machine. I promised I would come back and tell myself it worked."

"Oh. I guess, it might have worked a bit." Brittany looked around nervously as though expecting Santana to pop out at any second and catch her in the act of breaking the absolute biggest time travel law ever invented, ever. "Don't you have to be in class or something? Cos I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be here when Santana gets here, and you're kind of freaking me out."

"I have Glee now. Its okay, I don't mind missing it. I don't really want to hear Rachel and Mr Schue talk about themselves or see people annoy Santana."

Brittany tilted her head in a small shrug. Yeah, that was totally understandable.

"If we started a band we could be called 'The Brittanys", Cheerio Britt mused before switching tack again. "What about your Santana? I mean she's still my Santana as well, I guess." Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the idea that she and Santana were apparently still together in the future. "They must be the same person but at a different stage of their lifecycle. Like, my Santana is a little frog that's just about to lose its tail and yours is a big momma frog who crushes insect with her tongue."

Brittany gaped openly at her younger self. Was she ever really that young and chirpy? She began to fidget nervously at the thought of her oncoming wife.

"You really shouldn't be here when she gets here, she's gonna be mad."

"Pfff, I can handle mad Santana. And anyway, I want to see her! Is she hot?"

Brittany raised a disbelieving eyebrow and teen Brittany grinned and then giggled. "That was silly. I know, she's hot. I have to stay, she's bringing me a slushy. It'd be rude to go."

Brittany leaned over as though she were about to impart a huge mysterious secret only someone from the future could know. Teen Brittany leaned in eagerly to listen closer.

"She gets hotter as she gets older."

"I knew it!" Cheerio Brittany slapped her thigh and crowed with glee to Brittany's amusement. "Wait though, is that even possible?"

"That, is the absolute truth."

The Brittanys beamed at each other in mutual appreciation of their Santanas.

"Sooooo," the teenager asked coyly, shuffling her sneaker in the dry dirt. "You're still together then?"

"Shhh, stoppit. I'm not allowed to tell you stuff."

"Nice wedding ring."

"Aww shoot."

* * *

 

Meanwhile, in Glee Club.

As the Schuester droned on and Rachel tried to butt in as often as possible, Sugar gazed dreamily off into space pondering the problems of quantum mechanics and how to build a time machine without giving herself away. A glimpse of a woman striding past the doorway with what looked like two slushy cups in her hands made Sugar sit up straight. The woman looked over to peer into the choir room and their eyes met. Sugar's jaw dropped open in shock.

Santana slapped Sugar on the leg to get her attention and when she looked up again her mother was gone.

"What's up? This is your shot, didn't you want to perform this week?"

The blood drained from her face and she gripped tightly to the sides of her chair, white as a sheet. Her muscles locked in place but her body shook slightly with anxiety

"Sugar?" Quinn asked softly. "Sugar, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Sugar scrunched her eyes up as Quinn worriedly ran a soothing hand along her arm. Santana was eyeing her as though she were a bomb about to explode. "Did you eat the mystery meat at lunch?" She asked with suspicion.

Sugar didn't move and when Mercedes looked up at Santana, worry evident all over her face Santana sat down on the other side of the obviously distraught girl and spoke softly in her ear.

"Sugar, it's okay. You're okay, you're in the choir room. Nothing is gonna happen, just remember to breathe."

To her horror this had the effect of causing Sugar to burst into tears and bury her face in Santana's shoulder. Oh God, Santana sighed, why wasn't Brittany here to deal with this sort of thing?

"I just saw my mom," Sugar choked back another sob. "In school."

"Uh, have you done something wrong?"

There was no answer.

"I'm sure nothing's wrong, she's probably here to tell you you've won the lottery or something," Mercedes offered, non helpfully.

"No, that's not it. I think I'm happy to see her."

Quinn and Mercedes exchanged puzzled glances.

"Brittany's mom came to school one time but that was because she forgot her Cheerio skirt," Santana told Sugar as she tried to calm the girl. "That was a good day," she smirked at the memory. To her surprise it made Sugar giggle. "Do you want us to distract her, head her off?" Santana asked helpfully, not quite believing Sugar wasn't in trouble. She sure seemed to have a reason she didn't want her mom to see her.

"NO!"

"Whoa there, okay! I was only trying to help."

Sugar took a shaky sigh. "I had a fight with her and stole the car and I think she's found out."

"You stole your mom's car and drove it to school? That's so lame." Santana was distinctly unimpressed. "Of all the places you could have gone, you went to school!"

Sugar couldn't help but giggle. "That's good to know, if you could just remember that twenty years from now, it'd be appreciated."

"What was the fight about?"

"I told my mom I was quitting school to seek fame and fortune as a singer. She said no, but she's just jealous cos I'm a way better singer than her." A dark head bobbed past the door and Sugar jumped suddenly and shuffled her chair closer to Santana. "Can I hang with you and Britt today?"

Quinn and Mercedes stared open mouthed as Santana granted her wish without protest. "Uh, sure? I'm sure Britt wont mind," Santana nodded.

Sugar smiled happily. Double awesome. Her mom wouldn't come near her she was safe with her younger self.

"Where  _is_  Brittany?" Mercedes asked. "I thought you two were surgically attached at the lips."

"Presidential business. Top secret." Santana shrugged.

* * *

 

Adult Santana scrambled hurriedly under the bleachers where she had left Brittany almost an hour ago. What? It was hard being all stealth around a high school bursting at the seams with snotty, spotty teenagers.

"Britt! I saw her," she gasped breathing heavily as she tried to crawl in without spilling any slushy. She was so focused on her task she hadn't even noticed they had company. "She was in the choir-AARRRRRRRRGGGGHHGHHHHHH!"

Santana's hands flew up into the air reaching shoulder height before the sudden movement caused the blue slushy mixtures to fly up and out of the cups landing straight in her face. Still holding onto the cups with a death grip, Santana gasped with tri-shock.

1 - Stinging corn syrup in the eyeballs.

2 - Ice cold ice chips running down the valley of her breasts, and,

3 - Brittany in a cheerios uniform. Brittany. 18 year old Brittany in a cheerios uniform. Brittany. Sitting next to Brittany. Brittany Brittany. The Brittanys.

"Oh god, B! What did I tell you?" Santana shouted blindly, trying to frantically blink slushy out of her eyes.

"Um," Brittany looked around for inspiration trying to remember. "Oh, I know. You said - Don't touch that couch, it's probably crawling with STD's!"

Santana stopped flailing her arms wildly around as she felt someone wipe her face with some cloth removing the ice from her vision. She opened an eye to see Brittany gently cleaning her face with her sleeve as though she were a grubby toddler, and Cheerio Brittany staring unabashedly at her over her wife's shoulder.

"You're so hot," teen Brittany gazed adoringly at the grown up version of her Santana.

Santana gulped and shifted awkwardly to hide further behind her wife who grinned in turn.

"I know, right? Even with slushy on."

"What is she doing here?" Santana whispered harshly. "I told you this could never happen."

"I told you over the walkie talkie what had happened. What did you think I meant?"

"I thought Lord Tubbington had gotten in the cafeteria!"

"Oh, no, that hasn't happened yet. I was trying to get Sugar's attention but  _she,"_ Brittany indicated to the girl behind her with a nod of her head _, "_ heard me instead."

"Why are we whispering?" Cheerio Brittany whispered.

"Oh crap," Santana shuddered. "It's gone down my back now. Oh, eew."

"You need to go to the bathroom and get cleaned up," Brittany had done all she could with her sleeve.

"I'll take you," Teen Brittany piped up with a cheeky grin. "It'll be okay. No one will recognise you covered in slushy."

"Oh dear God, no," Santana gasped and wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist. "Don't leave me with her, Britt," she hissed.

"It's okay, honey. Don't worry," she kissed her wife on the nose and unclamped Santana's hands which were locked in a vice-like grip from her body. "And you," she spoke to teenage Brittany. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"What?" Santana squeaked in horror as Brittany, in a very short skirt... damn, she had forgotten how short those cheerios skirts were, licked her lips and scooted closer. She ran a finger down Santana's jacket lapel and licked the blue ice off her finger.

"Let's get you cleaned up." she murmured with a coy smile.

"Oh my god," Santana moaned as Brittany led her away, her wife waving goodbye to her cheerily.

* * *

 

 

Santana jumped through the doors to the bathroom as though she'd had an electric shock from the door handle. She was certain she had felt teen Brittany's hand run from where she had been guiding her with a palm gently resting on her shoulder blades, to find it suddenly down at the curve of her back and getting dangerously lower.

"Okay, no. You know, just no, stop that. I'm an adult and you're like, a kid."

"I'm 18," Cheerio Brittany purred.

"And you're practically the same age as my daughter," Santana stuttered out, to her eternal shame, she could not be seen letting this get to her.

"My daughter too," teen Brittany smirked.

"No, just no, but whatever. I'm serious. Don't smirk at me like that Brittany Pierce! I know exactly what you're think-mmmmphh!"

Cheerio Brittany threw herself at Santana and crashed their lips together. Santana was still struggling to see through the stinging corn syrup and froze at the contact, helpless as the girl's tongue eagerly attacked her lips trying to force them apart. Neither of them noticed the door from the hall open and were unaware of anyone else being in the room with them, until.

"Get the fuck away from my girlfriend!"

Teenage Santana, clad in her red Cheerios uniform, spluttered with rage as she stormed up to them. Her face was a picture as it turned from fury to disbelief as she pulled her girlfriend away from where she was attempting to relieve Santana of her leather jacket.

As she got a closer glimpse of who Brittany was trying to wrap her legs around, all that came out of her mouth was a high pitched "Whuuuuh?" as she began to process an older, and decidedly super hot, version of herself.

"Lookit how hot you are," Brittany let out a deep, lovesick sigh. "You're gonna get so lucky, I mean, I'm so lucky. I mean..." She fluttered her eyelashes at Santana and turned to give a sultry smile to her own personal Santana. "I had a dream like this once," she giggled.

Santana turned her dazed expression from her younger self to Cheerio Brittany and back again. "There's a very good explanation for this."

Teenage Santana's eyes begged for an epic revelation of a good explanation. Somewhat guiltily, Santana turned to the sink and wet the paper towels she found on the side before she had been thoroughly jumped on, wiping corn slush from her face, neck, and she could swear she heard a strangled sigh as she tried to discreetly wipe at her cleavage. "It's all Brittany's fault."

Cheerio Santana turned and tugged teen Brittany's elbow to catch her attention. With a happy half lidded smirk Brittany reached her arms around 'her' Santana's shoulders and kissed her.

Santana backed out of the bathroom in alarm as the two teenagers fell through the door of a deserted stall and someone got slammed up against the wall with a thud. Damn, did she really used to be like that? Someone was getting lucky today.

The door slammed shut behind her as she legged it back to the bleachers where her wife was waiting for her.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Cheerio Santana and Brittany eventually returned to the bleachers unable to contain their curiosity at their older counterparts visit. They appeared somewhat ruffled around the edges with their uniforms dishevelled and Santana with an oblivious lovestruck smile plastered on her face where she couldn't take her eyes off her own Brittany.

There was an awkward silence until teenage Santana blinked herself out of her daze then looked over at adult Brittany who she was seeing for the first time. Her mouth slowly fell open and she gaped shamelessly.

"Oh. My. God. Brittany! You're a mother fucking goddess," she gasped.

Both Brittanys grinned at each other.

"Still got it," Brittany smirked slapping her wife's ass.

"Hey, stop that! Eyes forward," Santana glared at her younger self who looked slightly taken aback by the intensity of her glare.

"You're still so hot," Cheerio Brittany stared dreamily at the older Santana. "Your nose still scrunches up when you're mad. So adorable."  
"H-h-hey, you- you've got your own Santana!" The affect of the harsh words was lessened by Santana's flushing cheeks and the way she stuttered over her words as teenage Brittany's ardour flustered her.  
"I totally get that cougar thing Puck's always on about," the younger girl murmured hazily.

"Totally," her girlfriend sighed in agreement and they unconsciously leaned on each other for support at the simple sight of their hot older selves.  
"Britt!" Santana nudged her wife frantically. "Do something!"

Brittany smirked, stepping closer to Cheerio Santana and then ran her fingers down the girls cheek looking at her with interest. Teenage Santana blushed and her eyelids fluttered under Brittany's touch.

"You're so cute," Brittany took the girls cheeks in her palms and their faces got dangerously closer. Cheerio Santana was mesmerised by Brittany's blue eyes, unchanged by the years, until Santana rudely snatched her away.

"Stop staring at my wife," Santana snapped at her younger self then tapped her backwards with one hand into teenage Brittany's arms. "This is so fucked up."

"Hey, careful," Cheerio Brittany frowned at her.

Santana looked slightly chastised and stepped closer to her own Brittany. "I wanna go home now," she muttered quietly.

"Awww sweetie," Brittany rubbed her hand down Santana's arm and smiled softly at her. "What if we ask them to go get Sugar and then we'll be out of here."

Santana looked panicked. She grabbed onto Brittany's hands and tugged out of earshot of the other two girls. "Wait, we cant tell them about Sugar, it might change the future."

"Santana, I'm pretty sure we can trust them," Brittany reasoned logically.

"But it might change things here!"

"Look at them, I mean us." Brittany waved an arm at the girls who were wait...

"Stop that!" Brittany gasped as teenage Brittany snapped a photo of adult Santana on her phone. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"You have to delete that."

"Nu uh. That's going in the spank bank!"

"Brittany!"

"What? It's only you and me and I tell you stuff anyway so what's wrong with that?"

"But what if someone sees it?"

"I'll tell them its Santana's mom."

Everyone looked at her needing further clarification on that comment.

"What possible, plausible explanation would there be for you to have picture of my mom?"

"She's a fox!"

"Britt!"

"What? It's true, she is."

Brittany whispered to her wife as they, almost fondly, watched the girls bicker. "There is no way in the universe we don't end up together, ever, ever, ever."

"What if she... I, freak out about it? How can you be sure?"

Brittany leaned in and kissed her lovingly. "You wont, and apart from I know you better than you do?" She indicated to the teenagers with a nod of her head. Santana looked over to find them them with their arms around each other whispering sweet nothings to each other, probably about how fucking lucky the other was going to get on their wedding night.

"Trust me, and trust yourself."

"Okay, break it up, break it up! Lets keep it rated PG, we're at school!" Santana interrupted the make out session which was getting overly handsy. "So here's what you're going to do," she stepped in front of her younger self noticing they were exactly the same height which wasn't as helpfully intimidating as she hoped.

"Aww crap, I don't get taller then," Cheerio Santana looked disappointed at herself as though it was her fault.

Santana glared at her. "Maybe if you didn't spend so many years drinking that master cleanse shit and stood up for yourself you would have grown a bit taller," she snapped.

"Like that's my fault!" The cheerleader scowled at her.

"Of course it is!"

Brittany stepped between them and gently pushed them a couple of steps apart she gave Santana a warning glance.

"Go get Sugar and bring her here." Santana laid it out simply but no one reacted to the demand. "Well, what are you waiting for? That's it. Go get Sugar."

"What kind of a dumb ass deal is that?" Teenage Santana's face scrunched up in bewilderment. "And why, even?"

"For gods sake, I can feel my pores clearing from every second I spend in this cowshit town, I needs me some smog. We have to get going. Now go on, git!"

"You mean, the girl Sugar, right?" Cheerio Santana asked to clarify. "Not just some sugar sugar to power your time machine thing?"

"I already tried that as a fuel source but it wasn't powerful enough," teenage Brittany told her. "You're probably using a plutonium based fuel source?" She aimed the query at Brittany who smirked, impressed with herself.

"Maybe," she laughed, non committally.

"Well, if you want some sugar, I'll give it to you," Cheerio Brittany winked cheekily then ran her tongue slowly over her bottom lip causing Santana to gulp and take a hurried step closer to her own Brittany. She unzipped her motocross jacket a bit further and noticed Brittany watching her with an amused look on her face.

"What? Its getting warm. Probably all the cow-pats giving off methane and heating up the ozone and stuff."

"What do you want Sugar for?," teenage Brittany asked curiously. "Are you going to experiment on her? Because I don't think I can let you do that."

"Why've you got to question everything? Why cant you just do as you're told? It's no wonder our mom's went grey so fast," she muttered to Brittany.

"You sound like my mother," Cheerio Santana frowned at her, unamused.

"Alright, enough!" Brittany wisely took over. "Can you bring Sugar here, please," she asked both girls.

Teenage Santana gazed at her completely lost in a lovestruck haze by the fact the most stunning woman she had ever seen was addressing her, whereas Brittany shrugged and said okay.

"Got a little drool there, Lopez," Santana flicked her ogling self on the nose.

"Is it true? You're here for Sugar because she's your daughter?" Cheerio Brittany asked.

"How do you, how does she?" Santana spluttered. "Uh, no?"

"Because, you know, Santana was going on about it."

Teenage Santana seemed to slowly rouse from her Brittany induced haze. "Huh? What?"

"You were talking about Sugar. You know, in that weird dream."

"Frickin' fondue before bed," she muttered shaking her head in dismay.

"Look, just go get Sugar and we'll be gone." Santana tried to shoo them away.

"Oh, but wait. You cant take Sugar yet." Cheerio Brittany told them as though this were an obvious fact they had simply neglected to take account of.

"Why not? She my daughter and if I say she's coming home with me then-" Her wife cut her off whispering in her ear, she sighed. "Why not yet?"

"Sugar's coming over. She wants to meet Lord Tubbington."

"Why?" Santana asked in total confusion.

Teenage Santana nodded discreetly, agreeing with that sentiment exactly. Why would anyone want to meet that ball of furry lard?

"I know. I'm surprised more people don't want to meet him. But I'll go get her. Glee should be out now," and she skipped off, leaving two very uncomfortable Santanas and a rather more zen Brittany.

Brittany pouted as she eyed up the younger Santana curiously. "I guess I'm going to go get Tubbs then. Britt should have him. I mean, we have Sugar but I know how heartbroken she'll be if he goes."

"No B, don't go. Don't leave me here, I'll come with you!"

"Stay here in case Sugar gets here before I get back. Please."

With a hard kiss still ringing on her lips Santana watched as Brittany headed back to their car.

With both safety nets gone the Santanas got their claws out.

"Still haven't built up a resistance to the pout? Lame. What have you been doing with your life?"

"Bite me, bitch fit."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I can take your skinny ass anytime."

"I bet you can't with all those pounds you've piled on."

"Oh no you di'n't!"

Santana grabbed her younger self in a headlock dragging her away to the ratty old couch which had been sitting under the bleachers for god knows how many years. She began to noogie the girls slick cheerio regulation ponytail.

"Not the pony! No, anything but that!" She shrieked.

Santana stopped and spoke in a menacing low tone in her ear.

"Now listen up and listen good. There's something you have to do, something you have to change about the future and you're the only person I can trust with this. Are you listening?"

Teenage Santana let out a strangled grunt and then spat out, "Get off me, you old psycho." Santana forced her face further down toward the diseased cushions. "Gyessss gyessss I's listennnn!"

"In one month Breadstix will be bulldozed to the ground."

Cheerio Santana gasped in horror, her body gave up struggling with shock of the news and their absurd-ass rivalry forgotten.

"I know! You have to stop it. There was a vermin problem and they put down traps but found asbestos in the roof and decided to destroy the place. A life without Breadstix is a cold harsh place, Santana. You must stop them from bulldozing Breadstix. They keep it on the down low, hush, hush and before you know it, BAM! You can't let it happen. I've had to live without those holy 'stix for years. You cannot let that happen! Do you hear me?"

The poor girl was staring at her older self, devastation written all over her face. It was as though she had been told the world was about to end.

A tear trickled down Santana's cheek as recognised the reaction. "It's like a hole in my soul," she whispered. "A darkness, a life without 'stix. For the love of 'stix don't let that happen. It's still a while off before... Never mind." She sniffed caught up in the emotion of it all. "Save the stix, Snix. I beg you."

Brittany returned to find them both sitting on the couch with red eyes, both staring dejectedly at the ground. Santana's cheerio uniform was even more rumpled than before and her hair was sticking up out of her ponytail.

"Have you been fighting?"

"Of course not. We just had a moment, that's all. She's just a little emotional right now."

Brittany sat down between them and put her arm around the teenager. "Awww sweetie, don't let her bully you," she whispered.

"Yeah alright, moments over," Santana snapped and tugged Brittany into her own arms.

"Where's Lard- I mean, Lord T?"

"I gave him ten bucks and let him go." The Santanas exchanged a mutual puzzled glance. "He said he was going to Starbucks on the way home. He loves the whipped cream."

"Are you okay?" Santana asked her, knowing how much she loved that damn cat and how hard it had been to lose him the first time around.

"Yeah, it was kinda emotional. I was just really happy to see him again and he said he still loves me, so... we're cool." Santana hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead well aware of her younger self watching them with fascination.

"Why don't you get a mirror instead," she hissed at her over the top of Brittany's head.

Brittany sat up at the sound of voices approaching them, Sugar's voice could be heard clearly ringing out along the bleachers.

"C'mon you can tell me, I wont tell anyone I swear. Is it a recording contract?"

"Uh no," came teenage Brittany's softer tone.

"It's not anything weird is it, or gross?"

"Ewww no, Sugar. I wouldn't surprise you with something gross, but I guess, from a certain point of view this could be considered weird. I don't think you'll think it's weird though."

"That very cryptic, even for you," Sugar noted.

"I aim to confuse and confound," younger Brittany giggled.

Sugar looked up from where she had been led under the bleachers to meet a heavy silence and three pairs of eyes staring back at her. "Well hey there, Sugar baby," Santana drawled. "Did ya miss us?"

Panic flitted across Sugar's face and she looked around at all four women surrounding her. "I, uh, I... I've never seen any of you people before... any of you."

"Sugar," Brittany tried to calm her down.

"Who said that?"

"Sugar, I think that ship has sailed," Santana pointed out the obvious.

Sugar stepped back from her mom, shaking her head and nervously wringing her hands together.

"I don't know you and you don't look like anyone here. Oh god, are you all on drugs?"

Santana sighed and held out her arms. At this gesture Sugar burst into tears and ran into her embrace burying her face in her mothers shoulder for the second time that day. "I got stuck."

"I know, baby."

"You came." Tears rained down her cheeks and she hiccuped

"Course we did," Santana hugged her even closer and Brittany wrapped her arms around both of them, kissing her daughter's face wherever she could reach it.

"I'm sorry," the words were muffled into Santana's shoulder.

"It's all okay."

"I think they know now. I'm sorry, they must know."

"Hey look at me now," Brittany tilted her chin up off Santana's shoulder and kissed her tear streaked cheek. "Look at them, we're okay with them knowing, we trust them."

Sugar hiccuped and sniffed. "I guess that kind of makes sense."

She looked up at Santana and back to Brittany. "So I guess you're wondering how I got here."

"More like why you got here."

"Umm. There's a perfectly good explanation for all this." She looked around the vicinity for inspiration. "Aspergers?"

"Oh shut up, you do not have Aspergers," her mom snorted.

"You promised to take me for a driving lesson and then said you were too busy." Sugar accused Santana in an injured tone.

"So you thought it would be okay to steal the car?"

"I only sat in it."

"And started it up," Brittany pointed out.

"And started it up a bit, but you didn't tell me it was a time machine! Its so totally not my fault."

"Get in the car we're going home. I cant wait to be out of this armpit of a town."

"But mom, it's Regionals in two days!" Sugar was horrified they were going to leave straight away without giving her a chance to shine on stage.. "They cant win without me! And I haven't even had a chance to say goodbye to everyone."

"You'll see them in twenty minutes when we're back."

"But they'll be old and wrinkly."

"Hey!" Brittany had one eye closed trying to see her face and supposed wrinkles.

"Wait, wait a minute. If you're going I just have to ask something." The younger Santana spoke to her older self nervously.

Everyone watched curiously as they spoke in hushed whispers.

"Really?  _Really?_  That's your question. Not, what are the winning lottery numbers? Not, does Quinn get fat? But," She looked around at the Brittanys and Sugar. "But, who proposes to who?"

Teenage Santana blushed to the roots of her hair as her own Brittany giggled happily, while Brittany looked at her with an adoring smile. Santana gave herself the once over shaking her head gently as she did so.

"I forgot how hopeless I used to be. Are you fucking stupid? Don't answer that. Look at her. You already know the answer."

Cheerio Santana couldn't help the small smile take over her face.

Santana leaned in and whispered. "You and Britt aren't just gonna be okay. You're going to be amazing."

She slapped herself on the shoulder and turned away to her wife and daughter. "We should get some grub before the journey. Maybe Breadstix?"

Everyone but teenage Santana rolled their eyes. She just shrugged at Santana confused over their reaction as well.

The Brittanys hugged. "Your boobs are awesome," teenage Brittany grinned at her while admiring her chest.

"Thanks, B. So are yours. Make sure you remember what I told you."

"Yeah. I wont write it down in my diary though."

"No don't, I found out its not Lord Tubbington reading it after all, it was Santana all along." The Santanas looked away guiltily and tried to appear not to be paying attention. "You know, when she went through that jealous phase."

"So uh, bye then," teenage Santana gave an awkward half wave to Sugar who just laughed and hugged her.

"See you soon, mom." She kissed her on the cheek leaving her arm around her shoulder and looked over at her actual mom with a smile. They watched with unabashed amusement as teenage Brittany approached Santana.

"Can I have a hug goodbye?" Cheerio Brittany looked up through her eyelashes trying to appear innocent.

"Uh... no, not really, I don't think..."

"Please?" her bottom lip quivered slightly.

Brittany nudged her. "Okay, but make it quick and I know you Brittany S. Lo-uh... Pierce. Keep your hands to yourself, no funny business."

"You're such a tease."

"I'm not the-" She was silenced as the younger version of her wife engulfed her in a sincere bone crushing bear hug.

"Love you."

Santana blinked, her vision suddenly getting slightly blurry and she cleared her throat and returned the hug. "Love you too, B, always."

"Oh gross, you promised this wouldn't be gross, Britt." Sugar interrupted the hug as she watched teenage Santana and her mom say goodbye with embarrassment. "I cant take you guys anywhere without you doing this, c'mon lets go!"

"And on that note, we are going," Santana grabbed a hold of her wife who had her tongue down teenage Santana's throat who was eagerly reciprocating the kiss.

"Sugar get in the car. We have to get back before your brother wrecks the place."

Cheerio skirts swished as their owners heads snapped to attention at the word so fast Santana later swore it gave her whiplash. "Brother?"

They watched with slightly stunned bemusement as the family walked away towards the parking lot looking back and waving as they did so.

* * *

 

 

Later that evening Santana and Brittany were walking home from a romantic meal at Breadstix after Santana had rather oddly insisted they had go and see if it was still there. They meandered along the sidewalk, hand in hand, discussing the days extremely odd events when they heard a shout.

"Is that?"

Adult Santana was running towards them.

"What are you doing here?" Brittany asked worriedly "Didn't it work?"

"It worked." Santana gasped for breath. "I'm back, I'm back from the future. To save Breadstix."


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm back, I'm back from the future. To save Breadstix!"

Teenage Brittany squealed and threw herself onto Santana wrapping her legs around the older woman's waist in excitement. Santana quickly tried to disentangle them while her younger self smirked at her from over Brittany's shoulder seemingly not bothered by the fact her girlfriend was draped around another woman. Once they were more or less separated, although Brittany still had her arm around Santana's waist, Santana actually looked delighted to see her eighteen year old self and the two high fived.

"I like this you," Santana grinned taking in the relaxed and happy vibes she was getting off the girl. "Did you get laid?"

"It's the 'stix," Teen Santana laughed. "They increase my hormones to super happy levels. And, I'm planning on it."

Santana laughed with glee. "This is going to be a piece of cake. With our brains and beauty, we cant fail to save the holy 'stix."

Brittany sighed almost inaudibly then tried her hardest not to look unimpressed but her nose twitched and they both witnessed it.

"What's up, B?," Adult Santana asked, still with Brittany's arm around her.

"Nothing."

"C'mon, B. It's Breadstix," younger Santana said earnestly, guessing the reason for Brittany's lack of enthusiasm.

"I know but it's just a..." She wisely decided not to finish that sentence.

"Just what? Look, I love Breadstix just as much as you love Lord Tubbington so I'm going to save it with..." She faltered. "Ssss... ssss... San..." She shivered. "I cant say it, its too weird to call you that. So, you know, her." She waved her hand in Santana's direction but then quickly becoming distracted by looking over her other self's shoulder at the people approaching them.

"Oh my god! This is all making even more sense, you being here. You actually got your wife's permission didn't you? You don't even need to answer that," she giggled.

"Shut up," Santana hissed, hushing her before future Brittany and Sugar reached them, they had managed to stroll along a little more sedately than Santana's frantic sprint.

Sugar grabbed both teenagers and squeezed so hard teenage Santana was sure she could feel her spine cracking.

"I missed you. You're so cute when you're this age."

"Hey!" Santana looked offended.

"Love you too, Mom."

The Brittanys did a weird secret handshake thing ending in them hugging and elder Brittany gave younger Santana a flirty wink resulting in her flushing bright red and temporarily losing the ability to speak.

"You're dressed differently," younger Brittany pointed out. "But its only been like 5 hours since we saw you."

"We've been away for two weeks. Sugar wanted to come back to compete in Regional's with you guys," Brittany explained with a proud glance at her daughter.

"You'll fail without me," Sugar nodded seriously. "I couldn't leave you high and dry."

Present Brittany squeaked with excitement and hugged Sugar again. "So cool. It's so much more fun with you there."

Sugar's happy smile could be seen from space she was so thrilled at Brittany's eagerness to have her there. Teenage Santana gave a nervous glance to her elder counterpart who simply raised an eyebrow daringly as her girlfriend nudged her. "San?"

Younger Santana looked away to Sugar's expectant face. "Uh...I cant wait!" She ventured with a smile at her future daughter. Sugar jumped up and down excitedly.

"It's gonna be sooo good. I cant wait to save Regional's."

"And Breadstix," Santana said quietly.

Brittany side eyed her and made her look away guiltily until her eye caught present Santana's, making sure she got the message. Her younger self nodded almost imperceptibly.

"And we can mess with the glee clubs heads!" Brittany grinned. "That could be a lot of fun. We could reduce Rachel to a quivering wreck of mind melting mush. I wonder what Quinn would do."

"Where are you staying while you're here? Oh," teenage Brittany waved her arms around in excitement and then eyed Santana hungrily. "You can stay with me!"

Santana cleared her throat and with a wary eye on younger Brittany, explained. "I'm in charge of the money this time." Santana cast a glare at Sugar who didn't appear even the slightest bit fazed she had blown ten thousand dollars the last time she was there. "And we're staying in a five star hotel."

Teenage Brittany looked disappointed. "There aren't any five star hotels in Lima," she pointed out.

Santana snorted. "There's no way we're staying in this town if we don't have to. There's a hotel a couple towns over closer to civilisation."

"You could stay at Santana's," President Pierce perked up with a flash of genius. Everyone looked at her First Lady who was gazing slightly open mouthed at hot older Brittany. She coughed as she realised she'd been caught staring. Again. She cleared her throat.

"Hmm, what?"

"Her parents are at a conference for the week and she's staying with me so the house is empty," younger Brittany explained excitedly.

"Britt, you cant just give away my house."

"Why not? Su casa, mi casa."

"It's my house too," Santana pointed out only to be met with a familiar glare.

"No!"

Santana shrugged, there was a five star presidential suite with her name on it so she really didn't give a flying fuck. Plus she expected that the further she slept away from teenage Brittany the better it would be for her blood pressure.

As they all began to slowly make the walk back to the Breadstix parking lot once again, teenage Santana whispered in Britt's ear.

"Are you crazy? We have a whole house to ourselves, that almost never happens."

"Oh," Brittany giggled. "So? They could still join us and we'd still have the house to ourselves. How crazy is that?"

"No!"

"But."

"No!"

Her girlfriend went off in a mini huff to walk with Sugar and Brittany, hooking her arm through Sugar's and leaving the Santanas to walk behind.

"Sugar, where did you stay the last time you were here? And who was that guy you got to be your dad?"

"Oh, that was Patches. He cleans up real nice, right? I got him to rent me an executive condo by the golf club over by the lake." She grinned and twirled herself and teenage Brittany around in the road. "Oh my god, I'm so excited. I was worried I'd miss rehearsal before competition and I have a date tomorrow with Rory."

Sugar, flanked either side by a Brittany stopped after a few more steps as they noticed the lack of Santana with them. They turned around to see both of them staring aghast at Sugar.

"What did you just say?" Santana asked in a hushed, hoarse whisper.

"I didn't want to miss rehearsal?" Sugar smiled with hopeless naivety.

"No, after that."

"Um..." Sugar looked at her mom in hope of some kind of rescue. Brittany rubbed her shoulder in sympathy, they both knew what was coming.

"Yeah, no," Santana spluttered.

"No, what?" younger Brittany asked puzzled.

"No!" Santana rounded on her younger self who was looking kind of sickly at the thought that Sugar, who turned out to be her own flesh and blood, was going on a date with one of the many candidates to be her arch nemesis. "I cant believe you let that river dance twinkle faced shamrock sucking green livered-"

"How is this my fault?" Teenage Santana gasped indignantly. "I didn't even know!"

"You should have known!"

"Don't blame this on me, just thank god it wasn't Artie."

The temperature appeared to hit absolute zero in an instant. Santana's glare could have turned anyone other than the four people assembled in the road with her to stone in a heartbeat. Brittany put her hand to her forehead in in preparation for the headache they were about to receive. Teenage Brittany winced and chewed on her lip. Younger Santana looked as though she was about to dry heave.

"Oh god, I've just made myself feel ill."

Santana span on her heel to stand in front of Sugar. "You're not going."

"Mo-om," Sugar whined. "That's not fair!"

"No. It's weird and creepy and he's a smelly boy, you can do better than that." Sugar's bottom lip began to tremble while Brittany glared daggers at her wife. "He's 23 years older than you!"

"He's 17!" Sugar spluttered.

"How about," Brittany rubbed her palm soothingly over Sugars back. "Sugar can go on her date without any further negative comments from you... or you," she looked at younger Santana. Santana opened her mouth to protest but Brittany continued.

"Then, if you keep your side of the bargain, us three flawless Lopez ladies-," she indicated herself, Sugar and younger Brittany who grinned at being included as a Lopez lady, she thought it had a nice ring to it. "-will help you save your precious Breadstix."

The Santanas exchanged a conspiratorial glance.

"Before we agree to anything," Santana puffed out her chest then crossed her arms in preparation for negotiations. "If the lanky green alien so much as touches you, or even breathes within a ten metre radius of you I will, in any capacity being 18 or 29,"

Brittany rolled her eyes whereas everyone else looked puzzled at how Santana had reached the conclusion she was 29.

"-rip his arms off-"

"Santana, just agree because I'm beginning to think you seem a bit more preoccupied with stale Breadstix than supporting your daughter."

"What even? That's not... I'm just saying that there are better choices of date material than that insipid..." She sort of faded off that line of thought as Brittany just looked at her. "Britt," Santana gave a hollow, daring chuckle. "I cant believe you're considering pimping your daughter out to save Breadstix."

At the look on Brittany's face Santana gulped and hurriedly agreed. "Deal. Deal, we have a deal. And of course I fully support Sugar and her interesting life choices," she muttered away to herself, "It was your suggestion, I don't see why I get blamed." She was cut off as Sugar glomped her in a big hug.

"Thank you, Mami. I'll help you save Breadstix any time. You only had to ask."

"Make sure you borrow a smart phone with Irish voice recognition software or you wont be able to understand a word he burbles."

"I don't understand what he says anyway, I just like his crinkly eyes."

Both Santanas shared identical looks of repulsion like they'd caught a whiff of something bad.

"What is the plan to save Breadstix?" Sugar asked out of interest.

"The plan is..." Everyone else exchanged knowing glances much to Santana's annoyance. "The plan is brilliant and you'd best all not screw it up."

"Okay, but what is it? Are you going to buy it? Then we can rename it the Sugar Shack!"

"Well, not exactly," Santana stalled. "We're going to... uh... stop … stop..." A light went off behind her eyes and she smiled with a hint of wickedness. "Stop the squealer who reported seeing a mouse in the hallowed restaurant of perfection in the first place."

"Who was it?"

Santana's eyes narrowed her brow furrowed with intent and she clenched her jaw. Her nostrils flared as she breathed out in a huff of annoyance.

"Rachel, eternal-thorn-in-my-side, Godzilla of everything good in Lima, freakin', Berry."


	7. Chapter 7

 

"Hey, look!"

An eighteen year old Brittany nudged her girlfriend and pointed over to where a car was parked in the furthest reaches of BreadstiX parking lot. It would have been relatively inconspicuous if it weren't for the fact it was a silver DeLorean, and there was at that present moment in time, only one working DeLorean in town.

Santana smirked as she grabbed Brittany's hand and dragged her over to the vehicle.

"I guess those old cars don't have air con," Brittany mused as they observed the fogged up windows making seeing into the interior of the car impossible.

With relish, Santana sharply rapped on the window receiving an angry "Get lost!" in response. So she knocked again, louder.

There was some muffled conversation and then a hiss as the door mechanism did its magic and the door opened upwards.

"This had better be go-what the hell do you want?" Came an adult Santana's voice strained with frustration.

"Oh, I'm sorry," teenage Santana's voice rang with mock sincerity at the abrupt retort. "Were we interrupting something?" She sniggered then looked away hurriedly as she copped an eyeful of adult Brittany putting her bra back on. She gulped. "Um I was just wondering what you're doing loitering around here?"

"It's none of your damn-"

"We're supposed to be on the lookout for Rachel-" Brittany answered her before being interrupted.

"-Bagel nose Berry." Santana finished for her.

"But really we're spying on Sugar," Brittany grinned from the passenger seat.

Santana glowered at her younger self and mouth the word 'Duh' at her.

"You wont see anything out of those steamed up windows," teenage Brittany pointed out sagely.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Santana asked with suspicion.

"It's date night" Younger Santana replied.

"Since when? Fridays are date nights, tonight is movie night." Santana pointed out, well aware of which night of the week was for what activity.

"Since, if BreadstiX is closing I'm going to eat here every night until it does."

"That's great, now fuck off, we were busy... staking out... and stuff."

"Well maybe me and Britts wants to see the infamous car."

Santana scoffed until her wife intervened winking at teenage Santana. "I'll take you for a ride in it any time you want."

Santana cleared her throat eager to interrupt the eye fucking going on across her. "Anyway, you cant go in there, Sugar will think you're spying on her."

"We'll be at the far end of the restaurant, she wont know we're there."

Santana struggled out of the car trying not to trip over her unzipped pants, tugging them up without so much as a blush. She faced her younger self, eye to eye with only inches between them. "Now let me explain something to you cos I want this to be crystal clear. If you upset Sugar, I will ends you."

"Wouldn't that be kind of counter productive for the both of you and for Sugar?" Teenage Brittany asked with a puzzled air about her. Her elder counterpart nodded to herself in agreement.

Santana tried to ignore her sly wisecrack. "And you know what's worse than me going all Lima Heights on your skinny ass?" She leaned right in to her doubles face so their noses brushed and hissed in her face. "If Brittany gets to you before I do."

"We wont upset her," present day Santana scowled. "We're not her parents. Oh, whatever," the girl scoffed in response to the pitying look everyone was giving her. "We're not even here to spy on Sugar, I swear I'm only here for the 'stiX." She coughed as she noticed her girlfriend's frown at her words. "I mean nothing will stop us from our date... is what I meant."

"We don't have to go to BreadstiX every night," younger Brittany said softly.

"Yeah Santana, you don't have to go to BreadstiX every time. What are you obsessed or something?" Santana teased her. They glared at each other neither blinking or looking away waiting for the other to crack first.

"What happened to plan A? I thought they were on board. Isn't everything already set up in there?" Brittany asked from where she had moved over to Santana's seat in the car looking out at them all.

"Yup, Mercedes and Sam are already inside, but I got the feeling they weren't too enthusiastic about it," teenage Brittany answered her seeing as the Santanas were still eyelocked.

"I don't see why not."

"Well I couldn't really explain too much about it and then Santana added the Sugar clause then things got even more vague and they might have gotten confused."

"Text them," Santana grabbed for younger Santana's jacket pocket, snatched her phone and frantically bashed away at the buttons. She handed it back and within seconds it beeped. Teenage Santana opened the message and both Santanas peered at the screen, their face-off momentarily forgotten. Santana gasped at the words on the screen and younger Santana's eyes widened.

"Rude. I didn't know Mercedes knew words like that."

"Okay, we know they're in position. Now, you two go away, we're busy." Santana spun back to the open car door. "Aww Britt, why'd you get dressed again?"

"Because I know what will happen when I tell you I just saw Rachel and Finn pull up."

"The fat and the rat," Santana shoved her shirt back in her pants and almost fell over as she tried to finish dressing as quickly as possible. "Don't look like that you'll give me wrinkles." She flicked teenage Santana's nose who was scowling at Finn's piece of junk truck. "Hallelujah, here they are, lets go!" She shoved her younger self away as Sugar and Rory appeared and entered the restaurant.

"You're out of control," teenage Santana called after her, then followed as they dodged from car to car keeping behind cover so as not to be spotted by Sugar. "We're supposed to be watching Rachel not Sugar."

The Brittanys exchanged an amused grin and locked up the car before following their other halves.

 

The four women jostled for position under the window nearest to the table Rory and Sugar were sitting at. Brittany scrunched her nose up in thought. "How come everyone in Lima goes to BreadstiX on a date?"

"Except us," both Santanas muttered under their breaths.

Brittany stuck her head up over the sill and took a good look around the restaurant.

"What's happening?" Santana asked her.

Teenage Brittany popped her head up next to her at the window like a prairie dog. "Aww they're so cute."

"Get down before they see you." The Santanas pulled their girls down and took their places peeping inside making noises of disgust with every movement poor Rory made. "What's he doing? Did he just touch her?" Santana fumed.

Brittany pulled her down. "Hush up, I'm trying to hear." She smooshed her ear against the window balancing with her hand on Santana's shoulder.

" _After dinner do you wanna come back? It's movie night."_ She could just make out Rory's lilting accent through the pane of glass.

"It must be serious," she reported back in a whisper. "He invited her to movie night."

"That's not what that sounds like," Younger Santana scowled. "It sounded like he was inviting her back to his bedroom."

"Just because that's what you do doesn't mean that's what Rory meant." Teenage Brittany scolded her girlfriend.

Santana sniggered at her indignant huff.

"Anyway," younger Brittany continued. "He'll expect us to be there as well."

"Wait, Rory lives with you," Santana looked at younger Brittany. "Why aren't you at Pierce movie night?"

"Cos we're here," her younger self answered for them. "Seriously, does my I.Q. drop with every year I get older?"

"No, but my patience threshold before I go all Lima Heights Adjacent drops." Santana glared at the scowling teenager. "She's going to go there thinking you're there but you're here. She'll know we're up to something, you have to go back!"

"But we haven't been inside yet!" Younger Santana whined.

A laugh from inside the restaurant caught their attention.

"Urg, he laughs like a fucking hyena on laughing gas," Santana griped.

"What is your problem with him? He's sweet," Teenage Brittany said, sticking up for her friend.

"Have you seen his teeth?" Santana asked as though she were imparting a juicy bit of gossip everyone looked at her puzzled. "I don't trust someone with teeth that clean."

"We're supposed to be watching Rachel," Brittany reminded them, to no avail.

"We need to know more," the Santanas hunched over Santana's phone once again.

* * *

 

Inside the restaurant Sugar kept looking over at the window, a thoughtful frown crossing her features.

"Are you all right there, Sugar?" Rory asked, noticing her distraction.

"Oh, yeah. I thought I saw something but it must have been my imagination," she smiled at him.

A couple of tables over from them Sam sighed as Mercedes phone beeped. "I'm sorry, I don't know what Santana's obsession with Rory is. I'll turn it off, okay?"

She texted back hurriedly. "I'll let you know if anything happens now shut up and leave me alone." Then she turned her phone off with a smirk. Sam smiled and grabbed her hands across the table.

* * *

 

Outside the window Santana spluttered indignantly. "She turned it off. I don't believe it! Did you see that? Get in there and make her turn it on again."

"No." Teenage Santana shrugged off her command. "Now shut up, we've still got Sam on the inside."

* * *

 

Sam's phone beeped and it was Mercedes' turn to sigh. "Why did we agree to this again?"

"Well, for me it was the threat of violence."

"I'm not scared of Santana," Mercedes scoffed. "I only agreed because Brittany asked me politely, nicely and respectfully. Seems her girlfriend could learn a thing or two from her."

Sam read his text then read it again out loud hoping Mercedes had the ability to translate Santana speak. "If he mentions his pot of gold you don't text me you call immediately, you understand?"

He exchanged a confused look with Mercedes then looked over to where Rory and Sugar were sitting a few tables away laughing happily together completely oblivious to any strange texts from Santana Lopez. Sam shook his head then turned his phone off.

* * *

 

"That's it!" Santana fumed from her vantage point in the shrub bed under the window. She slapped her younger self on the back instigating a coughing fit. "Get in there."

"Use your brain," teenage Santana gasped for air. "I know you've got one. Sugar knows we know she knows we know. She'll know I'm going in there to spy on her."

"Our line of communication has been cut off. Our men on the inside have turned traitor. It's the only option."

Younger Brittany sighed and flicked at an errant leaf on her thigh, she was going to get no food or nookie with these two complete failures at spying. She exchanged a look with Brittany, silently relaying her intent and received a nod and a smile.

Both Santanas shut up their squabbling and watched open mouthed as teenage Brittany moved through the restaurant under the suspicious eye of the long suffering head waitress. To their confusion she walked straight past Sam and Mercedes, only communicating with them with a smile and a wave.

"Wait, no!" Santana stood up in full of view of the confused patrons who were looking her way. "Mercedes is that way," Santana spoke out loud and pointed even though Brittany couldn't hear her. They watched in disbelief as she slid in to the booth next to Sugar.

* * *

 

Rory looked at her in surprise but to his credit smiled genuinely and welcomed her. "Hi Britt, how are you?"

"Hi Rory, been better thanks."

Sugar gave her a very questioning glance.

"Sorry to interrupt. I know you guys are on a date and you make a really cute couple by the way, but I've got a message for Sugar, then I'll be gone." She leaned over and whispered in the girl's ear.

Sugar sighed and nodded. "Thanks Britt."

* * *

 

"What's she doing? I cant see." Santana asked her younger self from the ground where she was trying to reconnect to Mercedes' phone. This seemed to involve waving the handset around and shaking it occasionally hitting the younger girl with it.

"She's talking to Sugar. Stop poking me."

"Then get your skinny elbow out of my ribs. Why's she talking to Sugar? What a crappy spy!"

"Hey!" said Brittany and teenage Santana in unison.

Looking suitably chastised Santana moved back over to the window to take another look. "Move your fat ass over."

"What? I don't have a fat ass, have you seen my ass? Its perfection, you should know!"

"Will you two pipe down," Brittany admonished. "And yes, you have a stunning ass, Santana."

To Santana's annoyance her younger self looked very smug at that remark earning her a harsh hip-check away from the window.

"Stop jabbing me."

"You're the one blocking me. Now shut up or you'll attract-" There was a tapping at the window above them and all three women looked up to see Sugar peering out at them. "Oops."

Sugar mouthed two words through the glass at them which looked suspiciously like 'fuck off'.

Teenage Santana gaped open mouthed. "Did she just swear at us, did she? Is she allowed to swear?"

Santana looked mildly guilty and they settled down out of view mildly huffing. "Rude."

"You should teach her some manners."

"She's got manners," Brittany did a good impression of a glower. "I think we can let her off when provoked," she scolded.

 

* * *

 

Sugar went back to sit with Rory. "Sorry about that, I thought I saw Ke$ha but it was just some raccoons. Probably rabid ones."

Rory nodded slowly and decided not to question it.

* * *

 

Santana looked over at her wife who was watching her with a little half smile. "So, now can we get back to the real reason we're here?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Look, there's Rachel and the beanstalk."

Santana's head moved back and fore like a spectator at a volleyball match, torn between watching Sugar and watching Rachel. "Oh no, I don't know where to look."

The decision was made for her when teenage Santana grabbed her arm. "I saw a mouse!" she hissed.

"What, where? Distract Rachel, quickly!"

"Its going all mission impossible on the fucking rafters. How do I distract her?"

"Think of something!" Santana roared at her as she witnessed a mouse snuffling along one of the light fittings.

* * *

 

Teenage Santana ran in and grabbed her girlfriend who was trying to steal some breadsticks while under close observation from every member of staff. She clamped her mouth on hers furiously and a heated make out session began right next to Rachel's table, much to all the customers' interest.

Sugar's eyebrows raised and she put her face in her hands as Rory spilt milkshake down his shirt. Finn looked as though her were about to cry, trapped as he was in the booth by the two girls, his only way out was over the table or past the passionate couple. Rachel just looked annoyed. Sam and Mercedes exchanged a glance.

"Why are our friends so weird?"

"Who knows?"

Not long after the manager came over and pushed the still kissing girls towards their favourite table, well used to them causing trouble in his restaurant. Seeing as how they were his best customers, he put up with them, for now.

 

* * *

 

"Hey Britt." From outside the window Santana turned around to address her wife but found she'd been abandoned by Brittany who was heading back to the car. Santana looked once more into the restaurant then ran after her wife. "What are you doing?"

"I'm calling Quinn," she waved teenage Santana's phone in her face to Santana's puzzlement. When did she steal that? "This has gotten even more ridiculous than I thought it would."

"Quinn's in the future. Did you make a time phone? How do you get good enough signal?" Santana asked, looking all excited at another of Brittany's ingenious inventions.

"The Quinn in this time," Brittany explained.

"Oh..." Santana looked disappointed for a second. "Why?"

"It's time to bring in the big guns."

Santana snorted. "And Quinn is a big gun?"

"Unholy Trinity; cannot be tamed," Brittany said seriously. "But I'm actually asking her to bring Lord Tubbington over and give him to mini me, then she'll lock him in BreadstiX overnight. That should take care of the vermin problem."

"Genius," Santana said in awe. "And that damn... damn loveable fluff ball of a cat," she trailed off into a mutter. "Yeah, make it do something useful for once."

Brittany pressed send on the phone then turned back to look back through the window into BreadstiX to see Sugar watching them. Rory was distracted by Rachel shouting at teen Santana and Brittany for inappropriately public displays of affection. Brittany winked at Sugar who grinned and waved to her mom.

Santana slung her arm around Brittany's waist. "I say we go and try out our hotel's bar. They had a baby grand which I can imagine you draped all over."

This led to them being distracted in the car for a good half an hour. Finally, albeit momentarily, satiated, they managed to begin the drive back only to stop as they tried to leave the lot at the same time as a car turned to come in. A car with a cat carry basket on the front seat. The girl driving frowned as she looked at them, then her jaw dropped as she recognised them. She gave a pained and bemused whimper as Santana shouted as she drove past.

"You'll never be able to drive for shit, Fabray."


	8. Chapter 8

Quinn pulled over in the BreadstiX parking lot, managing to stop across three disabled parking bays. She turned off the engine and rested her forearms along the steering wheel only noticing she was shaking when she rested her forehead on her arms to hold them still. She breathed in a deep shaky gulp of air and rolled her head from side to side jumping in shock as she pressed too hard and the horn sounded. She looked over and apologised to her passenger.

"Sorry, Tubbs."

The cat blinked sleepily and turned away, uninterested in this sub par human. Quinn watched him, trying not to think on what had just happened and let her mind begin to work on convincing her it had all been in her imagination. She observed with interest Lord Tubbington perk up all of a sudden. His eyes were wide and his nose twitched, she had never seen him so awake before.

"Hey, did you get him?" Without lifting her head, Quinn rolled her head to the side to face the window where Brittany had appeared. She stared up at Brittany who patiently stared back looking increasingly worried as Quinn hadn't blinked now for a good three minutes.

Quinn looked back to the exit road but the women from before had gone. She turned back to Brittany who had decided to leave Quinn to her weirdness and was cooing at her cat in the carrier.

"Thanks, Quinn." Brittany beamed. When the girl didn't move or speak, Brittany began to worry. Maybe something had happened and that's why she looked a bit like someone had stolen all the bacon in the world.

"C'mon, Santana will buy you a bacon roll. They haven't sold out."

To Brittany's relief this kicked Quinn into action, she wouldn't have known what to do if she'd refused bacon; maybe call the army.

 

* * *

"You're very quiet," Santana kicked Quinn under the table, provoked by the way she had been staring, like she thought Santana was a wild animal about to snap loose at any moment.

"Quinn, are you on drugs?" Brittany squinted at her. "Cos they're bad, okay?"

Quinn put her sandwich down. "I don't feel very well. I just need a minute."

Santana eyed her warily as though she were going to vomit over the table. She moved the basket of breadsticks out of the way, just in case, then frowned as she noticed the table stock had dwindled. No idea how that happened. "Hey, Garçon! More sticks!"

She looked over the shoulder height wooden divide down the centre of the restaurant to where Sugar and Rory were giggling over some dessert, which happened to be on the table right next to them. What? It was the only one free, okay? And if she turned her head ninety degrees to the left okay, so she would be looking straight into a highly suspicious and very self conscious Sugar's eyes. And if she turned her head only forty five degrees to the left she could glower at Rory, who was becoming ever more uneasy under non so subtle scrutiny. What the hell was so funny about dessert anyway?

"So Rory, when are you going back to the motherland?"

Sugar's head whipped around and she unleashed the inimitable Lopez glare. Brittany snorted into her drink trying not to laugh aloud.

"Um," Rory was a bit disconcerted that the next table was taking such interest in his affairs.

"Why aren't you at movie night?" Sugar interrupted, arching a razor sharp eyebrow.

"Date night," Santana sniffed, as though that were obvious.

"Date night is Fridays."

"Since when?"

"Since as long as I've known you. And anyway, there's three of you."

"Unholy Trinity fo' life."

They all looked over to Quinn who had begun to sway slightly in her seat.

"Is she okay?" Rory asked, mildly alarmed that the usually cool, calm and collected Quinn Fabray was sitting nearby either drunk, stoned or very ill.

"She's diagnosed clinically insane," Santana replied. "That's what happens when you eat too much bacon, it messes with your brain."

"I'm vegetarian," said Sugar.

"Oh, well. That's what happens when you get pregnant at sixteen as well." There was a battle of wills as Santana and Sugar glared at each other both refusing to back down. Eventually, Santana calmly looked away."So Rory, you been checked out for STD's?"

Brittany's drink actually came out of her nose this time as she spluttered at the words.

"Sorry, Aspergers," Santana smirked.

Sugar growled. "You don't have Aspergers!"

"I have it as much as you do. It must be hereditary."

"I'll phone my mom," Sugar threatened quietly so the rest of their two tables could barely hear.

Santana snorted with laughter. "I'm not scared of her." She looked over to where Sugar was looking pointedly at Brittany. The smirk dropped from Santana's face immediately. Ahh, that mom.

Quinn had turned an unhealthy shade of pale green only before seen on zombies. "I think I'm gonna go home. See you all in school."

"Wait, Q. You look like shit. We'll give you a ride," Santana offered.

"No, its okay. I just need some quiet, alone time." She slid along to the edge of the bench before asking. "Britt, what happened to that DeLorean your dad got you for your sixteenth birthday?"

Santana reached over and slapped Sugar on the back as she choked on some pudding.

"It's in the garage, I'm still working on it. Why?" Santana and Brittany exchanged a loaded glance which did not go unnoticed by Quinn.

"Is it drivable?"

"Oh," Brittany looked relieved she wouldn't have to lie, cos God only knew how bad a liar she was. "No, Bri- uh someone, uh... there's a wheel missing. It doesn't drive... In space, that is."

Sugar and Santana groaned simultaneously at her last comment.

"In space?" Quinn and Rory stared at Brittany, both thoroughly puzzled.

"Like on the road, from one place to another," she went on to explain.

"How else would it drive? That's an odd way to put it," Quinn pointed out.

"Well you know me, ha ha ha... odd." She gulped and looked over where Santana and Sugar were staring at her, aghast. Rory kept his head down, used to Brittany's quirks but not wishing to capture Santana's attention further.

"Yeah, its not like it travels through time or anything like that. Ha!" Sugar laughed uneasily, trying to help Brittany out.

Santana let out a strangled chuckle and got up. "That's settled then, you're coming with us. I just gotta talk to those two backstabber's first. I'll just be a second."

She left Sugar and Brittany with a stern glance and headed over to Sam and Mercedes table where she snatched their complimentary breadsticks from off their table. "You two, are fired."

Quinn's brow furrowed as she witnessed Brittany telling Rory to have Sugar home before eleven or suffer the consequences.

"Goodnight Rory," Brittany smiled at him. "I've never killed anyone before but there's a first time for everything. Bear that in mind when you say goodnight to Sugar."

"Oh my god," Sugar squeaked. "Why do you two have to be so embarrassing?"

"I swear you two get weirder every day." Quinn muttered.

"The only person being weird tonight is you," Brittany looked pointedly at Quinn as they headed for the door.

Santana hurried after them her arms full of Sam and Mercedes, Sugar and Rory's and her own refill of breadsticks. "Quick Britt, Rory's paying." They hurried for the exit leaving a very confused Rory and relieved Sugar.

They paused once more as Santana harassed the kitchen staff one last time who had finished cooking for the night and were trying to leave. "C'mon they wont keep until tomorrow."

"Miss Lopez, it's time for you to leave. I've warned you about harassing my staff, there are no spare breadsticks!"

 

* * *

They returned an hour later having dropped off an emotionally exhausted and weepy Quinn to find the restaurant closed and the manager about to lock the door. Santana barged in, to the manager's exasperation, as she begged for a box of breadsticks.

"No, we're closed."

"Just one box. C'mon, there are children starving in Africa."

Brittany snuck around behind the counter while he was distracted and released Lord Tubbington. "You know what to do!" she whispered and scratched his ears. "Good boy."

She walked over to Santana, who was getting a little too engrossed in her argument on why breadsticks should be paid for by the government and provided free to citizens, and pulled her by her arm out of the door.

"Goodnight Trevor!" she called and waved to the manager with her free arm.

"Goodnight Britt." He sighed with relief that someone had control over the Stix monster and locked the door behind him.

Under a table, Lord Tubbington snuffled about and started munching on a discarded buffalo wing.

 

* * *

"Santana! Wake up, wake up!"

Santana rolled over, murmured something unintelligible then rolled back with a groan, pulling her pillow over her head.

"The police are at BreadstiX. There was a break in."

"How do you know?" Came the muffled reply.

"I heard it on my police scanner. Someone opened all the boxes of BreadstiX."

"What the hell, you mean they don't make them fresh?"

"Hold up, there's more."

The police scanner crackled as it picked up the transmission.

##Stand down. All units, stand down. Panic over. It's just a raccoon that's gotten in. We'll call pest control.##

At Brittany's silence Santana reluctantly removed the pillow from her head and looked over at her. Brittany's face was filled with worry, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her mouth opened and closed and her chest shuddered with a sob. Santana sat bolt upright.

"Lord Tubbington is in there. I shouldn't have left him, what if they shoot him? We have to go get him."

"It's five am..." Santana pointed out until Brittany took a quivering breath. "Which is no problem at all because we can work better under the cover of darkness. Get dressed." She jumped up and out of bed, pulling on the nearest articles of clothing she could find. "Do we have time to check on Rory?"

"Why?"

"Just to see that he's sleeping alone."

"Santana. Do you really think that older, super foxy Santana wouldn't have been here breaking the door down and murdering Rory in his sleep if Sugar had even attempted to stay?"

"It's that Sugar I don't trust. She's got this look in her eye, like she's up to trouble."

"She has your eyes."

"Exactly."

 

* * *

"What are you doing here?" The police officer guarding the cordoned off restaurant asked the two girls with suspicion.

"McKinley High Cheerio's training. Twenty six miles before school starts," Brittany grinned and stretched indicating her Cheerio embossed sweater.

"Oh, you're Sylvester's lot. Very well." This revelation made him seem keen for them to be on their way.

"What, um, what's going on?" Santana tried to ask nonchalantly.

"We got reports of a break in but it turns out there's a giant raccoon in the store room."

Brittany's short sharp intake of breath could be heard. He looked at her quizzically.

"Dangerous creatures raccoons," Santana nodded solemnly in explanation to Brittany's gasp.

"Yeah, we're going to leave it for pest control to take care of."

"What will they do to him?" Brittany asked, eyes wide as she watched a SWAT squad traipse out of the restaurant, suited and booted from head to foot in full combat gear.

"Oh I dunno. They'll trap it I expect. It was quite vicious, maybe shoot it with tranqs."

Brittany gasped and Santana pulled her away quickly.

"He's not giant!" Brittany began to babble indignantly as Santana led her away from the crime scene and around to the back of the restaurant. "People better not be talking crap about him where he can hear. You know how sensitive he is. What about his poor heart? The vet said he had to do gentle exercise not re-enact Call of Duty."

Santana grabbed both her hands and looked straight in her eyes. "I promise we will rescue him. No one gets left behind. Now keep an eye out."

She clambered up onto the top of the battered dumpster at the rear of the building. One corner of it was badly crumpled where a car had hit it not too long ago. Just at head height there was a tiny window which was open a few inches. Santana slipped her hand in through the gap and unlatched the window. She stuck her head in through the opening and looked around in the darkness.

"Eww, this is the men's bathroom. That's why the window is open, it smells so bad!"

Brittany joined her on the lid of the dumpster and pushed her up with her hands catching a feel of Santana's firm buttocks. Santana wriggled through the small space head first all the while sputtering furiously. She see-sawed from her waist on the window ledge and Brittany could hear muffled swearing.

"What is it?"

"I'm right over the urinals. Oh god, don't let go, Britt. Never let me go. Not head first. I'm too hot to die."

She pulled one leg in through the window and the second followed rather more speedily. There was a scream, a thud and a clatter then silence. Brittany jumped up and down to see in the window but there was nothing but darkness.

"Are you okay? Santana?"

A small voice rose up out of the darkness. "Oh my holy sweet baby hell, why would you even do that in a urinal? There's a stall for that sort of thing!"

"Santana?"

"Yes, I'm okay. It'll probably take a few hours for the infection to spread from my foot. Stay out there, Britt, I don't want you catching diseases from the filth. I'll find His Majesty and pass him out to you."

"Be gentle, he's probably scared. And he'll be near the food!"

"Tubberman, where are yooou?" Santana called inside the restaurant, stepping over discarded police tape and broken glass. She made her way to the storeroom which was cordoned off and white with flour scattered all over the floor. She looked up to see all the boxes of breadsticks opened and scattered on the floor. Her lip twitched in horror at the sight.

"Fatso, report in right now!"

Movement on the top shelf caught her eye and a pair of green eyes glimmered in the dim light. A very fat, flour coated cat peered down at her and let out a mournful wail as he recognised her. She winced with each crunching footfall over the broken breadsticks then put her hands on her hips and stared Lord Tubbington in the eye. He sneezed and a puff of flour flew up in a cloud around him.

"A raccoon," she snorted with a laugh. "C'mon, buddy."

For the first time in recorded history, Lord Tubbington willingly climbed into Santana's arms. She hugged him close, making soothing noises as she felt him tremble against her chest. He had probably been in his element rolling around in breadsticks and flour and laying flour traps to track mouse pawprints, Santana knew she would have been, before the cops showed up with their loud sirens and bright lights; shouting, yelling and blustering about with guns and threats.

"Good boy. It's okay," she murmured to him as he huddled his face under her chin. She scratched him between the shoulder blades just where he liked it and he burrowed into her embrace.

She turned around to find a tall, pale figure standing behind her, and screamed. Startled, Lord Tubbington jumped out of her arms and cowered behind her legs.

"Jesus Britt, are you trying to kill me?" Santana croaked then buried her face in Brittany's shoulder.

"I didn't want you to be in here on your own. And as brave as Lord Tubbington is, I bet he got scared. He doesn't like being alone, even though he pretends otherwise, I thought you might feel the same."

Silence descended on them again and Santana's heartbeat fell back down to non dangerous levels. There was a pathetic mewling noise as Brittany's cat plucked up the courage to waddle over to his mistress. With Santana under one arm, Brittany scooped him up with the other and walked her two favourite people in the world out the front door of the restaurant.

"How did you know the door was open?"

"The police broke it down when they tried to get in."

"Are you telling me I didn't need to bungee into the men's bathroom after all?"

"Shhh, lets go home."

"I stood in a puddle, B. A puddle of wet! I'm scared to look at what it is."

"Wipe it off on the verge over here," Brittany led Santana to the patch of grass holding her carefully as she began to sniffle.

"I'll have to burn these sneakers!"

* * *

 

Brittany's mother was most confused the next morning when she went to find out why the girls weren't awake at the usual time to see them curled up, fast asleep on top of the bed covers with Lord Tubbington nestled between them and a box of breadsticks on the night stand. A light dusting of flour coated all three of them.

When a very bleary eyed Santana finally got up to put her Cheerios uniform on, she found Lord Tubbington had shown his appreciation for rescuing him by puking all over the top. Upon closer inspection by Brittany it was revealed that there were definitely mouse parts in there.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this." Santana muttered, equal parts disgusted and happy.


	9. Chapter 9

The Irish national anthem blared out across the choir room becoming muffled as Santana hurriedly grabbed her phone out of her bag and stared in disbelief as her new ringtone proudly embarrassed the hell out of her.

"What the? Britt?"

Brittany snickered and shook her head. With a glare Santana looked over to Sugar who was finding Brad's new hair cut suddenly absolutely fascinating.

"Santana, put the phone away. We're in the middle of a glee club meeting."

The exasperation in Mr Schue's voice was noticeable and his flustered hair was a good indicator of his lack of patience after another long day spent battling Coach Sylvester's current attempt at world domination.

Santana held her palm up to Mr Schue's face indicating that he should shut the hell up.

"This wont take long," she explained. "What?" Santana snapped rudely into the phone.

The entire glee club unashamedly listened in on the intriguing half conversation she was having with some unknown, but presumably Irish, person.

"That is a complete lie. I did not. Who told you that?" She asked, and then without waiting for an answer. "Whoever it was is lying."

Her eyes narrowed and she scowled.

"Well, Sugar's lying then."

Everyone turned to look at Sugar who huffed and flounced down in in her chair.

"And anyway, I cant help where the waitress made us sit."

Brittany rubbed her thigh soothingly as the volume got louder.

"It was my favourite table and like you wouldn't have sat there if you had been there, which you weren't because you were too chicken!"

"Santana!"

Mr Schue caught her attention and then she noticed Rachel in the seat in front of her actually tutting. Who does that in real life? With a scowl she hissed down the phone.

"How did you even get this number?" Santana listened for a second and then hung up with an annoyed huff.

"Continue," she flicked her fingers at the room.

"First item on the agenda is-" Santana tuned out as Mr Schue burbled on.

"Who was that?" Brittany asked in a hushed voice her breath tickling Santana's ear.

"Your number one hot baby momma."

Brittany got a faraway look in her eye and giggled much to Quinn's disturbance who was sitting behind them and eavesdropping.

"And second-" Mr Schue was still droning on until a name caught their attention. "Sugar has a few words to say to us."

Brittany and Santana looked up with interest, Quinn looked up at them looking up. They were never interested in anything unless it involved sex or food so this was yet another alarm bell ringing in regards to her friends. The rest of the club appeared slightly wary, tinged with anticipation because Sugar was not known for being boring.

Rachel could be heard muttering to Kurt. "Is she going to sing?"

Kurt shrugged then jumped as Rachel yelped in his ear. Santana had viciously kicked the back of her chair and was now scowling at her until she settled down and shut up.

Sugar skipped up to the front of the room and beamed at the group. Brittany smiled back and Santana snorted as she noticed Sugar's smile falter as she glanced at Rory who looked away and inspected his shoes.

"What's going on there?" She leaned into Brittany and whispered.

"She dumped him last night. She told him she doesn't do long distance and her mom told her she cant have a sugar daddy."

"What? How do you know?"

"She told me."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Santana asked, offended. "And anyway, good. He's an appalling excuse for a human being."

"He's not that bad."

"Oh yeah," Santana folded her arms across her chest and sniffed. "Why don't you just go and marry him then?"

"Now you're just being silly. I'm going to marry you."

"Ahem!" Sugar cleared her throat loudly enough to interrupt the lover's quarrel and they both looked up to see the whole glee club staring at them. Now with their full attention, Sugar continued her speech with a wary eye on her one-day-to-be mothers.

"So, I just wanted to let you know that its been swell but the swelling's going down now."

Finn eyed her up and down looking for evidence of swollen body parts.

"After I single handedly save Regionals-" Sugar continued.

Rachel made a loud 'harumph' intending to interrupt but it soon turned into a faux cough as a hard placed kick to her seat and a stone cold glare from Brittany soon made her think twice.

Santana and Brittany both looked back to Sugar and nodded for her to continue.

"I'm going back home to live with my moms... mom... uh... mom. Yeah, I call her moms, it's just a thing."

Everyone looked a bit puzzled but didn't question it.

"So this weekend is the last time I'll see you guys for about, oh, eight years and even then I probably wont notice you. And yeah, so I wanted to sing you a song to remember me by until you meet me." She finished off with a giddy bounce on her heels and a somewhat shy grin.

Rachel squeaked but a sharp jab from a long finger to the back of her ribs made her keep her mouth shut and instead produced a painful force of air out of her ears. She was really beginning to wish she'd chosen to sit somewhere else that day.

"Wooo get it!" Brittany hollered in anticipation of a song.

Rory clapped and smiled at her and Mercedes laughed fondly at the younger girl. Santana, to her further distress, found herself swallowing a lump in her throat which had come out of nowhere.

"Hit it, band virgins!"

There was a slight pause, which could be interpreted as the bands way of protesting her comment, then Finn started hitting the beat and the music began. The guitars kicked in and everyone who had been dreading a song from Sugar sat up straighter and smiled at the song choice.

Brittany was the first one up pulling Santana with her to dance as Sugar's raspy voice rang out, surprisingly in tune for once and perfectly suited to the song. Mike and Tina followed shortly after and Puck jumped up and grabbed a guitar to join the band in playing 'Power of Love' by Huey Lewis and the News.

Quinn laughed as her friends pulled her up and made her dance with them, Kurt did this weird shoulder wiggle and Blaine of course was hopping around the room like a rabbit on speed.

Brad, who had been watching Santana and Brittany with his eyes squinted snapped out of his musings and cracked his knuckles before hitting the ivory.

After much jumping around and strutting, climbing all over the band geeks and air guitar the club sat down laughing and smiling.

"I just want to say I love you all and I'll see you in the future, deffo." She giggled as Brittany spun her around as she made her way past on her way back to her seat next to Santana. "Oh, and I want the solo for Regionals."

There was a hush and then Rachel, Mercedes, Kurt and Tina all started shouting about who should get the solo.

"I was under the impression it had already been decided I would be singing the solo," Rachel yelled.

Santana wrinkled her nose and let out a sigh at the uproar, until Brittany weighed in.

"Who died and made sure you get all the solos?" Brittany was asking Rachel.

Santana's eyes widened and she turned to watch her girlfriend mid confrontation.

"Let Sugar sing if she wants, she has as much right as anyone. That performance was awesome and she would rock a solo. Right, Santana?"

Santana sat frozen in a bubble of stunned silence. Uh oh. She blinked hard, noticing Sugar, Brittany and Quinn's eyes on her awaiting an answer. Oh shit, what was the right answer? Wait, she knew this one. It was a trap; there was only one right answer.

"Umm, yes?"

Oh crap.

"It's not like you to sit out of a fight about wanting a solo?" Quinn's raised eyebrow could pierce metal.

"I have too much awesome," Santana calmly explained. "I wouldn't want to blow Regionals off the face of the earth with my amazing talent. I will however be expecting a solo at Nationals."

Rachel was now incensed with indignation and round two of arguments kicked in.

Outside of the central vortex of the squabbling, the rest of the club carried on as though this were nothing out of the ordinary and got their gossip on.

"Did you hear about Breadstix?" Sam asked Mike who was trying not to watch as Tina nostrils flared at an obnoxious comment tossed her way by Rachel and then started talking so fast no one could keep up with her.

"What? What? What about it?" Santana's ears pricked up and she butted in on the conversation.

"That's funny, Santana. I thought you'd be first in the know," Sam chuckled then abruptly stopped at the look on her face. "Ahhhh, you don't know."

Puck leaned over and said conspiratorially, "I heard a wild bear broke in and wrecked the place."

"I heard they found mice," Rory unknowingly signed his death warrant.

Sam continued his explanation, eager to get all the information out as quickly as possible so he could get away from Santana who looked like she were about to combust.

"Pest control were doing a search for a ravenous wild beast and found something in the roof space that looked like asbestos. The place is temporarily shut."

"No, no, no-no-no-no-no-no-no NO!"

Santana's wail dampened everyone's fighting spirit and Brittany even stopped flicking Rachel's ear to comfort her.

 

* * *

 

Santana slumped on the hood of her car, her head in her hands only looking up when she heard a rust bucket pull up and stop next to her.

"What's happened?" Adult Santana leaned out of the window and looked her younger counterpart up and down with a critical eye. "You look like hell."

"Breadstix was closed after an inspection, we're waiting for more intel. Britts is following the local public health authority on twitter for updates. There's been nothing so far," Santana's hushed voice wavered with emotion.

"Oh that."

"What do you mean, 'oh that?'" Santana exclaimed, shocked at the blatant disregard as the future of Breadstix hung perilously in the balance. "Why aren't you more upset about it?"

"I dunno," Future Santana leaned back in her car seat and stared out the wind shield with a goofy smile on her face. "Maybe because I just had the greatest sex of my life on a baby grand piano and I don't really care about much else. Look, you said you wanted to talk about Sugar."

"But... I cant believe you're not taking this more seriously," Santana shook her head in disbelief. "It's like I don't even know you!"

"Santana, what about Sugar? Is she okay? I got out of bed for this so make it good."

"Yes, god. Yes she's fine. But Breadstix though... does your wife know you're acting this strange?"

"My wife," Adult Santana sighed, her eyes got a far away look to them and Santana took a step back in alarm when the woman in front of her let out an actual to fuck giggle. She snapped back to reality as she noticed her younger self staring at her with morbid fascination.

"What was the question? Oh yeah, my wife, who's still in bed waiting for me. I told her you had some kind of pimple emergency so hurry up."

Santana cleared her throat at the thought of super hot older Brittany naked in bed waiting for her under the satin sheets her hair all tousled and wait...that wasn't the question.

"Breadstix! That might have been the question. Wait, what? I do not have acne!" She slapped her hands onto the car door frame and leaned in to use the wing mirror. "Oh my god, you did not really tell her that I have acne. Call her now and tell her you were lying."

"You poor, deluded child. No. And I didn't say acne, I think I said... erupting facial pustules of goo or something like that."

Santana choked back a sob and then frantically ran her hands all over her face to check she wasn't zit ridden.

"You cold hearted bitch. How could you do that to me in front of Brittany? Call her right now!"

"Aww hell," Future Santana muttered. "This is going to take forever at this rate." She tilted the car mirror so the teenager could see her unblemished complexion was still unblemished and received a punch in the arm for her trouble.

"Now listen up, baby butt face. You seriously thought Lord Tubbers would lift a whisker to catch a mouse? Have you seen how pampered he is? He used to get more attention that I did, and if you tell Britt this I will ends you and deny everything, but I was secretly glad the day he did his vanishing act."

"He did catch a mouse! Britt saw mouse bones in his puke."

"Overshare! Whatever, and don't stick up for him. He probably stuffed himself on sticks then almost had a heart attack when a mouse came over to steal the crumbs then accidentally killed it by rolling over on top of it."

"You whatever!"

"We'll find another way, don't panic. It ain't over 'til the bulldozer smashes the door in."

Adult Santana put the key back in the ignition but Santana grabbed her hand stilling her movement before she could start the engine. "I really have to get back. Wouldn't you be in a hurry if naked Brittany was waiting for you?"

"I need to talk to you about Regionals, it's about Sugar."

That got Future Santana's attention and she reluctantly opened the passenger door for teenage Santana to get in as she began to explain.

"Sugar got talked out of a solo, more like shunted out by guess who, but then Britt almost bitch slapped Berry, it was so awesome, and got her a featured verse in the group number. There was blood shed and everything. Admittedly that was when Finn got elbowed in the nose in the scuffle, but who gives a shit about him?"

Adult Santana laughed at her enthusiasm. "Seriously, girl. You gots to put a ring on it. I'm telling you, best decision ever."

"No I mean, obviously that, but what I'm talking about is... I cant talk to Britt about this or Sugar or anyone. It'll have to be you."

"Thanks?"

"It's just that, Sugar, well... She cant really... sing."

There was a heavy silence and Future Santana's eyes seemed to bore into younger Santana's skull. The younger girl swallowed a lump in her throat, her tongue swiped her lips nervously and her hand began to move slowly towards the door handle.

"Now you listen to me, Santana mother-fucking-whipped-as-fuck-dumbass-teenager Lopez. If my daughter wants a featured solo in Regionals, she will damn well have one."

"She does damn well have one. Oh jeez, you're both like this, aren't you?  _Those_  kinds of moms."

"What?"

"Of the Pushy Showbiz variety."

"You're lucky I'm not going to slap you only because I might feel it too. If Sugar wants to sing, she will, and you'll be damn happy about it and supportive. In fact, you will be pretty much over fucking moon. Do you hear?"

"Uhh..."

"If you disappoint her in any way, if you make her think she's not good enough or cant do something she loves... I will fucking ends you. And if you repeat this to anyone I will kill you regardless of the effect it might have on me but... I know she's not the greatest singer, I'm not deaf, but she loves it and she has the time of her life performing. So here's what's going to happen. You will suck it up, put that cheerleading experience to good use and make sure she has one of the best times of her life, or by the record breaking girth of the once and future Lord Tubbington, rest his soul... Brittany will hear about this."

"That's mean."

"There are rules for this, Santana, for being a mom. There's a handbook."

"What? No there's not."

"There is. You get it when the kid is born."

"Where yours?"

"Psssh, at home. I don't carry them-it, around with me I don't even need them-it anymore."

"Whatever."

"I'll let you have a preview. The number one rule of being Sugar's mom is, to make sure your daughter is happy. The second rule of being Sugar's mom is, you do everything you can to make sure your daughter is happy."

"They're both the same thing."

"Good girl, you're catching on."

"So what you're threatening is, if Sugar wants to perform I should just support her and smack down any bitches who say otherwise."

"Got it in one, Hot Stuff."

Teenage Santana checked her appearance in the car mirror. "I'll do it on one condition. You go back and tell Brittany I don't have any acne at all. In fact, tell her my skin is smoother than my charm and you must have got your messages mixed up with a message from Quinn who was having a revenge of the bacon breakout. Tell her I am totally blemish free apart from that scar I got when she kissed me for the first time and I fell out of the tree in shock."

Future Santana raised an amused eyebrow. "Deal."

"And if she wants to kiss that scar better she knows where to find me."

"Just stop now while you're ahead. I might skip that part."


	10. Chapter 10

In the parking lot of the venue for Regionals, Sugar sat on her mother's lap in the passenger seat of Brittany's Delorean. Reasons for this were partly because the vehicle was only a two seater but also partly because she was having a mini freak out at the thought of the impending competition and was cuddled up in Brittany's comforting arms.

"Video camera?" Santana asked from the drivers side.

"Check."

"Disguise?"

"Check." Brittany pulled a black fedora onto Sugar's head and one on her own.

"Sugar?"

"Check."

Sugar rolled her eyes and snorted into her mom's shoulder at her mother's lame attempt at a joke.

"You've got to get a bigger car," Sugar pointed out as her feet kicked the dash for the millionth time in the past ten minutes. "How are the four of us supposed to fit in here when we go on vacation?"

"This car is going to be scrapped when we get back," Santana pointed out.

"Awww," Brittany huffed.

"Don't aww me, it's been nothing but trouble. You can transfer the timey wimey bit to another vehicle. Anything with power steering would be an improvement."

"You ready to knock 'em dead?" Brittany asked the girl in her arms.

Sugar hummed unenthusiastically, her nerves busy catching up with her.

"Hey, baby girl," Brittany hugged her tightly. "We'll be at the back but we'll be watching and your mom's borrowed other me's video camera so we're taping the whole thing and you're going to be amazing."

They both looked over to where Santana was shaking the camera trying to get it to respond to her commands.

"Camera, on. Camera, on. Turn on you stupid piece of crap!" She scowled at the unresponsive inanimate object. "How do you even work these things?" Santana whined, then started to tap it non-too gently on the dashboard.

Brittany calmly reached over and pressed the 'on' button as Sugar asked. "What if I screw it up?"

"You wont." Santana said matter of factly, now staring blankly at the lit up display on the camera screen. "You've got your mom's dancing feet and my lung capacity and therefore cannot fail. And anyway, other me and your mom will be there on stage and you know what they're like, they'll be right there with you."

"Do you think they like me?" Sugar asked shyly, her voice muffled in Brittany's hair.

"Honey, they love you, Brittany assured her. "I promise, without any shadow of a doubt. And we should know, right?"

There was a wild tapping and shouting against the window from the outside and they opened the door to find teenage Brittany bouncing excitedly around all the windows.

"C'mon Sugar, lets go!" She shrieked loudly.

"What have you been taking?" Santana asked her from the drivers side, slightly in awe at this hyper Brittany.

"I'm high on love, love is my drug, the drug of lovvvve." Cheerio Brittany twirled around singing randomly until teenage Santana came up behind her and explained.

"She's had three rainbow slushies and a mint choc chip double dish with extra sprinkles."

"Oh my god," Adult Santana paled. "What were you thinking?"

"Hey, it wasn't even me! Quinn was trying to get her to squeal about some Delorean that's been seen about town, but it backfired. Girl forgets she doesn't speak Britt-Britt, so she didn't know what she was talking about. Lets go, Sugar. Leave the old fogies to their knitting or bird watching or whatever it is they do."

"Hi Santana." Teenage Brittany leaned into the car resting her arm on Sugar's shoulder and staring seductively at the older woman on the opposite side of the car with a mischievous smirk.

Santana gulped and then scowled at the sound of her wife and daughter snickering next to her.  
"Hi, Britt-Britt," she finally replied.

"Do you like my dress?" Younger Brittany asked with a cheeky grin indicating the low neck line and clear view of her cleavage as she leaned into the car. Sugar and adult Brittany choked back their laughter as Santana stared fiercely at the steering wheel and wished she were miles away.

"Stop that!" Cheerio Santana pulled her girlfriend back and teenage Brittany chirped happily, wrapped her arms around her neck and started kissing up and down the length of her throat.

"Oh my god. Sugar, would you  _please_  hurry up?" Younger Santana half heartedly tried to prise her girlfriend off her.

Future Santana leaned over and kissed Sugar's forehead. "We'll be right behind you, just as soon as everyone's gone in."

Adult Brittany gave her one last hug and then let her go as her younger self pulled her out of the car.

"I'm so excited!" Hyper Brittany screamed and then took off running, dragging Sugar along with her who was laughing so hard her nerves were all but forgotten.

Teenage Santana watched them with smile then turned back to the car. "We got this."

Adult Santana snorted. "You reckon?"

"Good luck!" Future Brittany called after her as she hurried off after them, catching up to the teenagers as Brittany pounced on Quinn's back and tried to convince her that a piggy

back into the auditorium was the only way to arrive in style.

 

* * *

 

Two Brittanys and two Santanas sat draped on various pieces of furniture in the Lopez hotel suite. There was an unusual silence as they all stared off into different directions, some into space, some at the ground, their minds all elsewhere.

"I cant believe that happened." Teenage Santana murmured. She glanced down at her girlfriend who was happily pressed up against her as close as possible and busy entwining their fingers together.

"Is this how Quinn feels when we do crazy things?" Future Brittany asked her wife. "Kind of shocked but that it's not really all that unexpected?"

Sugar came dancing out of the bathroom and dropped on the edge of the bed in the middle of all her parents.

"That was the greatest competition ever, bar non. Mom, did you get it all on camera?"

Santana stared dazedly at the machine still attached to her hand, watching as her wife untied the strap and loosened it from her grip. Brittany connected the device to the giant flat-screen TV which took up most of one wall of their hotel suite and flicked through the menu.

As they waited for the video to begin, Cheerio Brittany's head got heavy and she hummed contentedly into Santana's neck as she gradually lost her grip on the conscious world and crashed down from her high into a sugar induced coma.

The remaining three watched as Sugar happily bobbed her head along in time to the music on screen where the evening events began to unfold once more.

_Rachel couldn't resist her need to be the star and made a last ditch effort to take over Sugar's moment of glory. She nudged and elbowed her during the build up of the number to Sugar's part to convince her, via harassment, it would be wiser for Rachel to take the lead on this one. Sugar for her part quite obliviously continued on with her dancing and singing until it was time for her solo verse. Rachel stepped up one last time in a frantic attempted coup but Sugar determinedly pushed her out of her way behind her. Brittany twirled her way over to them and nonchalantly barged into a huffing Rachel, knocking her flat on to her back on the stage. Rachel got up, furious, and attempted to force Brittany aside who was blocking her access to Sugar's spotlight. Big mistake. Brittany bashed back into her but managed to make it appear like an intricate dance move and Rachel disappeared off the edge of the stage while everyone else scrambled to cover Rachel's following part and finish the song._

Everyone in the room turned to look at teenage Brittany who was snoring gently on her girlfriend's shoulder.

"What?" Younger Santana snapped defensively. "She said her foot slipped."

Santana and Brittany exchanged a knowing glance. Brittany made sure Sugar was entranced by the performance on the home movie before she whispered.

"My foot never slips."

"Ha! It's like karma," Sugar was chuckling as she continued to watch the action on screen. "Rachel tried to talk me out of my featured verse before we went on stage. And that's what she gets when I go all Lima heights on her ass."

Teenage Santana snorted then coughed to cover it up as Adult Santana glared at her.

_Santana stood on the edge of the stage at the at the outer reaches of the singing group actively preventing Rachel from returning for the remainder of the number with one hand while her other hand held tightly onto Brittany to stop her from doing anything rash. Sugar was completely oblivious as she happily sang her heart out while dancing with Quinn and Mercedes centre stage. As the number ended she shrieked with laughter as Sam picked her up by her waist and swung her around in celebration of her solo debut success._

_The camera zoomed in to the side stage where Santana was scowling at Rachel. "Dont push me, Berry. If you dont get a grip I will sic Brittany on you and she ain't no vegan, she will bite."_

"I wish I were an apple!" Teenage Brittany suddenly called out in her sleep.

"And that's our cue to leave," Cheerio Santana sighed, "before there's drool."

"I'll help!" Sugar jumped up.

"No, you get ready for bed," Brittany said. "God knows you've had enough excitement for one day."

Both Santana's couldn't help but smiled at Sugar's adorable yet familiar pout.

"Don't worry, S." Younger Santana said as she pulled her sleeping girlfriend up. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"For tonight, you owned that solo, my girl." Santana grabbed Sugar round the waist and tugged her back onto the king sized bed and into a hug as Brittany rooted around a drawer for something then grabbed her room key and followed after the two teenagers.

"Cmon Sugar-lump, we'll watch it one more time."

 

* * *

 

"Hi!"

"H-hi. Uh, whuh-what are you doing here?" Santana looked up from where she had just safely tied Brittany into the front seat of her car. She took a deep breath to try and steady the fluttering in her chest and turned to face hot older Brittany.

"This is my hotel. I'm supposed to be here."

"Oh uh, yeah it is." Santana squeaked and flushed pink as it came out higher pitched than intended.

Future Brittany smirked at the effect she had over the younger girl and stepped closer with no regard for Santana's personal space.

"Just seeing if you needed any help."

"Uh no, we managed, thanks."

"Good. Two other things then. One, thanks."

"For what?"

"For being so awesome to Sugar."

"That's uh um, she uh, she's, you know, pretty amazing."

"She's over the moon that she got to hang out with teenage us." Adult Brittany smiled and took another step forward, forcing Santana to back up, trapping her against the side of the car. "I'm also here to give you these."

"Whuh uh, whuhhh, look, I'm suuu bluuu."

Santana's ability to use words disintegrated as she looked at the pair of handcuffs Brittany had dangling from her finger.

"Oh. My. God!" She gasped hoarsely. Santana's eyes widened to comical proportions as she spluttered and began to ramble half coherently.

"As crazy hot as this is, and you're the hottest MILF I've ever seen in my life, like I'm 90% sure I have heart attack every time I see you."

Older Brittany put a hand to Santana's heart with worry.

"No, I'm okay. I mean, no." She put her hand over Future Brittany's and pulled it off her chest. "No. I'm not going to cheat on Brittany. You're a really awesome kisser but... as much as this doesn't feel wrong, it doesn't feel right either."

Adult Brittany chuckled softly to herself as Santana completely missed the point, as usual. "But what if your Brittany and my Santana hooked up?" She asked, curiously.

Santana didn't look too worried at the prospect. "If your Santana is anything like me she's really too far gone on you to do anything. This you."

"You know, you never ever stop being this adorable," Older Brittany laughed. She put a finger to Santana's plump lips to hush her before she could nervously rattle off another confused speech. "You didn't let me finish. Santana is here to save Breadstix, Sugar is here to save Regionals..."

"And you are here to torture me? Please can you stop doing that?" Santana gulped.

"Doing what? I'm only stretching," Future Brittany put her hand over her head and leaned backward her top riding up and her toned abdomen on display.

"I know," Santana choked out half way between a moan and a sob.

"Santana please control yourself. I'm a married woman."

"Britt!" Santana blushed furiously and now completely mortified, buried her head on adult Brittany's shoulder to hide her burning face. In return, future Brittany laughed in delight and hugged her.

"What are they for then?" Santana asked, her question muffled into the older woman's shoulder but still discernible.

"Use your imagination."

Santana gave up all pretence of trying not to look like she was dying from embarrassment and just sighed feeling totally frazzled.

"Kidding. Use them to tie yourself and Britt to Breadstix."

"Oh... kay...?"

"Trust me."

"Okay. Where did you even get them?"

"They're Santana's."

"I don't need to know why, I don't need to know why," Santana muttered under her breath. "Is there a kinky reason... no... I cant believe I'm asking this but... handcuffs? Why?"

Future Brittany couldn't hide her amusement at the meltdown Santana was having in front of her but decided to cut her a break. A small one.

"She's a cop."

"I am?" She asked looking surprised.

"Ahh. I don't think I was supposed to tell you that. It's kind of hard to remember when you look just like her."

"A cop, hmmm," Santana was muttering to herself thoughtfully.

"She says she gets to shout at people for a reason and get paid for it. And she's super hot in the uniform."

"I suppose I am badass. Oh, don't tell Britt, okay? I want it to be a surprise."

Adult Brittany looked off to the side and bit her lip.

"Britt!"

"I couldn't help it! She did the pout, what was I supposed to do? It's a highly effective weapon."

After a moments comfortable silence Santana looked up to see elder Brittany watching her fondly.

"What?"

Future Brittany's smile got bigger. "You have absolutely no idea, do you?" She asked, cryptically. "Just, you know, I'm a very lucky girl."

Santana looked embarrassed but couldn't help the smile that crossed her face.

"I'm so glad I got to see how happy we are in the future. Thank you," she told her future wife.

"I didn't do anything."

"You didn't ever give up on me."

"Well duh." Older Brittany leaned down and kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Goodnight, my love."

"Britt!"

"What?"

"Hands where I can see them!"

"Santana, you're such a flirt. I'm going now because you clearly can't behave yourself."

"Goodnight Britt."

"'Night. Love you!" Future Brittany called as the car began to move away.

Santana stuck her head out of the window and blew her a kiss, to Adult Brittany's unexpected delight. With a beaming smile and a giggle Santana drove away, turning to check on the sleeping girl next to her. To her surprise her girlfriend was watching her with one eye open.

"Get a room," she murmured with a chuckle and closed her eyes again and instantly began to snore.


	11. Chapter 11

Santana and Brittany walked into the choir room to find Quinn and Sugar staring at each other in eerie silence. Sugar was in the row in front and two chairs along from Quinn. Brittany sat down next to Sugar and Santana next to Quinn, eyeing them both curiously. Brittany and Santana exchanged a puzzled glance and Brittany waved her hand in between them, breaking their line of vision and ending the staring contest.

Sugar looked to Brittany blinking rapidly for a few seconds and immediately smiled.

"What's going on?" Brittany asked.

"Quinn was staring at me so I was staring back."

"Well she'd best stop it. It's Sugar's last meet so you'd best cut out the shit, Q. Q?" Santana questioned her friend, whose brow was creased in furious thought. Eventually having thought on it enough she turned to Santana and asked her straight out.

"Is something weird going on?"

"Yes," Santana nodded sagely. It was the only answer.

Quinn waited but there was no further explanation. She looked down the row to where Sugar and Brittany were creased up with laughter at something.

"Do you think I'd make a good cop?" Santana asked, randomly.

Quinn rounded on her in exasperation.

"Seriously Santana? You couldn't even detect that you were gay."

"Shut up, yes I could. I chose to ignore the evidence, that doesn't mean I didn't know it was there."

Quinn grabbed Santana's hands, startling her.

"I need you to be honest with me right now. Seriously, you shouldn't think that you have to hide stuff from me. I'm your best friend."

"Q... Okay, I'll tell you, but I think you're a little late to the party. Quinn, I'm gay."

"No, you idiot. I mean about Sugar."

"I don't think she's gay but if she was, you know, that'd be cool."

Quinn glared at her. Santana smirked.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Look, I don't even know what you're blabbering on about. If you think something weird is going on with Sugar, you should ask her."

"I did," Quinn sat back and sighed. "And now I'm even more confused. Am I going crazy?"

Santana opened her mouth to say something witty but Quinn had broken out the big puppy dog eyes to plead with her. What a waste of so many jokes and such a wide open invitation for mockery. Santana sighed.

"No, you're not crazy, not any more than usual. Weird shit is going down. Weird yet hot shit."

"I spoke to Sugar," Quinn explained. "And even though she seems to live in the same happy, happy place Brittany resides, and I don't often know what she's talking about... she's let some things slip."

"Like what?"

"Let's just say... She's awfully protective of you."

"We're friends," Santana shrugged.

" _We're_ friends," Quinn insisted. "So, you can tell me stuff, too."

"Well, we were Troubletones together. Don't you have Berry's pigtails to go pull?"

"Fuck you."

"Ha! Taken."

Mr Schuester came in and began to drivel on about them scraping through Regionals on a wing and a prayer, and that it was sheer blind luck that the other groups were worse than them, but no one listened until Santana jumped up and interrupted.

"Okay, that's great. Thank you, Mr Schue, for whatever it was you were talking about. Now listen up, I gots two things to tell you about. Firstly, the protest at Breadstix tonight. I texted and emailed you all the details. Be there."

"For goodness sake, Santana," Rachel spoke up. "It's just another run down, cheap restaurant chain with vermin and dangerous substances in the roof. It's about time it was demolished."

"Yeah, don't worry so much," Mercedes tried to point out the positive side of things. "They'll probably build another one. You know, a non toxic one."

"Rachel, I cant believe how you of all people can be so hypocritical about this. Not only should you be protesting the loss of jobs of those workers who've had to put up with your ridiculous vegetable related demands for years-"

Sam's hand hovered half up in the air unsure whether he needed permission to put his hand up to speak and interrupt Santana. The more he thought on it, Mercedes was sitting next to him so he should be safe with her. He put his hand down and spoke up anyway.

"Uh, the Breadstix employees are on fully paid leave until the new restaurant is built. And I got a job on the construction site for the new build," he grinned happily.

"Sam the Builder." Santana put up her hand to silence him and interrupt his interruption. "I'm real happy for you and that you've got a menial job out of other people's misery and a chance to put your stripping outfit to good use again, but I haven't forgiven you for your inevitable betrayal yet, so sit back down and calm your panties, cos I haven't finished."

She took a calming breath and turned to face Rachel as Mercedes patted Sam on the arm in comfort.

"Rachel, surely you should be protesting for the animal rights of those poor defenceless mice who cant represent themselves and who will be systematically hunted down and destroyed..."

Her voice trailed off as she noticed Brittany and Sugar with identical worried expressions, the warning signs of becoming upset. Time for Plan B., no more Mr nice guy. Straight for the kill.

"Uhh... and of course there'll be TV cameras and full press coverage."

That did it. Rachel and Kurt sat up straight and so did a fair few others in the group with their interest peaked.

"Well why didn't you say so?" Kurt ran his hand through his quiff and began to preen himself. "Count me in."

"Kurt, are you sure?" Rachel looked torn at the thought of media exposure which would naturally zoom in on her shining talent and the thought of being tied to a restaurant like a smelly hippy.

"There's no such thing as bad publicity," he assured her.

Santana grinned. Got them.

"This could be a perfect time to practice interacting with the media in preparation for your inevitable stardom. You cant be too prepared with these things when it comes to dealing with the media. Perhaps you could give a few interviews. Local radio, the Lima News, and I even put a call into the NY Times, they'll all be there. Sue called her contacts at WOHN News to come and cover the event as well."

Rachel and Kurt were now having a furious whispered conversation.

"I'm sure if we  _sang_  a protest," Rachel pondered. "We could get noticed and snapped up by a talent scout."

Mercedes perked up a bit at this.

"It'll instantly get on the internet and go viral." Santana fanned the flames.

"We can be on TV and cause trouble at the same time?" Puck pondered. "I'm in. Chicks dig celebs." Puck slapped Rory on the shoulder who winced and tried not to look at Sugar who was looking a little forlorn at being left out.

"But most importantly," Santana raised her voice over the chatter which had broken out. "This is Sugar's last meet and straight after this she's leaving."

Sugar leaned into Brittany's side and Mercedes rubbed her shoulder. She had said her goodbyes and would miss the protest and was sadly thinking of all the things she would miss out with this group of people who had welcomed her and made her feel at home.

"So, Sugar, in your honour," Santana smiled sweetly at her. "We'd like to say goodbye in classic Glee club style." Sugar couldn't help but smile back. "Now, this one's an oldie. It's even older where you're from but still... this is for you and we hope you like it," she trailed off shyly.

Sugar's eyes were glassy with unshed tears and her smile wobbled as she tried not to cry. Everyone got up and stood around in a circle then bent over, their butts airward much to Sugar's curiousity. The piano kicked in and Brad tinkled away and Santana began to sing softly, until after her first line everyone got up and began to dance like nothing that had been seen on earth before.

" _We've come a long, long way together, through the hard times and the good. I ought to celebrate you baby, I ought to praise you like I shouullllllld."_

Sugar chuckled with delight at their antics, even Finn didn't look out of place dancing with them all being total dorks. She watched in awe as the coolest teenager she knew, her future mom, unabashedly released her inner goof, and all just for Sugar. Brittany grabbed her and pulled her into the group and Sugar's tears turned into tears of laughter while watching who could do the dorkiest dance moves.

"C'mon, Sugar lump." Sugar looked up from her reverie to see Santana standing in front of her with her hand stretched out, with Brittany next to her. "We'll walk you out."

"You know it really bugs me when you call me that."

"I expect that's exactly why I do it then," Santana grinned.

Everyone else had left and she took one last look around the empty choir room she saw someone she hadn't said goodbye to yet.

"Bye Brad," Sugar gave him a little wave.

His eyes narrowed and he stared suspiciously at the three girls. After a moment he nodded and almost cracked a smile.

"Be excellent to each other," he offered as his goodbye.

Santana and Brittany exchanged a puzzled glance but Sugar beamed at him.

* * *

 

Around the back of the deserted school by the dumpsters, long after all the bullies and dumped nerds had left, four Lopez's and one 'to-be' Lopez stood around the Delorean.

"Put your suit on and the scuba gear, Sugar," Adult Santana ordered her daughter, herself already zipped into her silver jumpsuit.

"This sucks," Sugar whined. "It'll mess up my hair. Plus it's insane wearing scuba gear in a car!"

"We might end up in a river, you know what your mami's driving is like," Future Brittany chuckled, watching Teenage Santana in amusement as the girl's eyes followed her hand reverently as she zipped up the front of her suit leaving plenty of cleavage on display.

"Heard that," Adult Santana muttered, then slapped her younger self around the head eliciting a howl and a scowl. "Eyes!"

"Cant we stay a little bit longer?" Sugar pleaded.

"No, we're leaving," Adult Brittany insisted. "I'm worried about Quinn, your brother might have killed her. He was doing science experiments the last I heard and you know what that means."

"Wait, Sugar," Future Santana thought of something else to worry about. "Did you pee?"

"Mom! God, I'm not a six year old."

"You remember what happened the last time."

"God, you're so embarrassing."

"Blah blah blah. Everyone pees, get over it. Go and get changed and pee."

Sugar stomped off in a huff.

"What are the suits for?" Teenage Brittany asked. "Do they protect against radiation?"

"No, I just thought they looked cool, right?" Her older version explained. "And Santana and Sugar look so cute when they're dressed the same."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Adult Santana interrupted before any more embarrassing facts could be unearthed. "So, I guess this is goodbye then."

* * *

 

Sugar skipped around the corner back to where her parents awaited her. Her shoes skidded on the gravel beneath her feet as she took in the sight before her. She scrunched her nose up at the dramatic scene before her, sighed and rolled her eyes in a incredibly familiar way. Honestly, she couldn't take these people anywhere.

Teenage Santana was sobbing into Future Brittany's arms while Future Santana was frantically trying to prevent Teenage Brittany from bursting into tears. As Cheerio Brittany's bottom lip trembled, Adult Santana could be heard begging.

"No, no, no, Britt. Please don't cry! I cant handle it well, you know I cant!"

"Why are you taking this so well?" Cheerio Santana wailed into Older Brittany's chest.

"Oh, honey. We're you, and you're... not us yet, but sort of. In a few hours Santana and I will be together with our family and you two will be together and all will be right with the universe."

Teenage Brittany finally broke down and began to howl. She grabbed Future Santana into a bone crushing hug.

"Why aren't you more upset at leaving me, Santana. Don't you love me anymore?"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Of course I love you, I'm crazy about you! It's just... She's me, I'm her. I know what's coming and it's all good. Please don't cry, B." Adult Santana pleaded. "I promise, you've got such amazing things to come ahead of you. You're so lucky, you get to meet Sugar for the first time and marry the shit out of me. Not in that order though. You've got to make an honest woman out of me first."

"Hey, Sugar. You forgot your..."

Sugar turned from where she was watching the crying party and smiled at Quinn who was holding a purple Batwoman t-shirt in her hand.

"Oh thanks, Quinn. I must have dropped it out of my bag. It's Santana's and she'd go all Lima Heights if I didn't return it."

She took it from Quinn's outstretched hand which she noticed didn't move back to rest position afterwards. Quinn stood next to Sugar and stared at the scene before them, both unnoticed by the two adults who were consoling two sobbing teenagers.

"B-but you pr-promised to help with Breadstix and now you're leaving before the protest," Teenage Santana was spluttering out her words through the tears.

"We cant be seen there, you know that, babe. We'll be watching from a distance, I promise." Future Brittany rubbed her back soothingly.

"And I wanted to mess with Quinn's mind," Teenage Santana sniffed loudly.

"Don't we all? But she's crazy enough as it is. Plus, I'm the one who'll get all the repercussions, probably in the neck," Adult Santana said. "As soon as we get home there'll be knock at the door and Quinn will be there and, you know what? She probably wont even knock, she'll just break the door down and start yelling, and as fun as that is, it's more fun when she's doing it to someone who's not me."

Quinn and Sugar exchanged a glance. Quinn decided it would be best for her mental health to walk away.

"Take care, Sugar."

"You too. Look after those two for me?"

Quinn let out a strangled chuckle. "Sure. Why not?"

"See you in 8 years, Aunty Q," Sugar grinned and skipped down a couple of steps to jump on the sobbing girls who unleashed a fresh wave of tears as they faced the fact they had to say goodbye to Sugar as well.

Quinn walked away shaking her head and muttering about why she got stuck with two crazy people as best friends and their equally as crazy offspring.

* * *

 

"But I'm going to miss you, Sugar," Cheerio Brittany was slowly squeezing the oxygen out the poor girl's lungs while Adult Santana was having trouble prising her younger self's fingers off Sugar's sleeve where she was holding on with a death grip.

"You wont be saying that in ten years when she hits the terrible two's," Future Santana muttered under her breath. "Britt?" she finally begged her wife, who had been letting them say their goodbyes, to intervene.

"All right, enough! You're upsetting Sugar." With those words the teenagers let go immediately and mumbled apologies while Sugar got her breath back.

Future Brittany took a hold of Cheerio Brittany and Cheerio Santana by the shoulders and looked right at them. They sniffed pathetically and Teenage Santana even managed a lip tremble.

"You are us and we are you, and no one is really going away. Sugar is in here," she slapped them both on the chest over their hearts. "I swear on Lord Tubbington, everything will be okay. Okay?"

They both nodded and held on to each other as they watched as Future Santana led Sugar to the car. Adult Brittany kissed them both on the forehead. "You wont see us at the protest but we'll be watching. Good luck!" She winked at Teenage Santana then determinedly made her way over to the car before anyone could escape and start the goodbyes all over again.

* * *

 

**Breadstix parking lot, that evening**

The Glee kids had begun their protest in earnest. Puck had cable-tied everyone together outside the main entrance to the building and they were joined by another fifty students from the school who had all an emotional attachment to Breadstix, although none anywhere near the extent of Santana's. Around half of those fifty just wanted to cause some trouble.

Once they started singing loudly a police patrol car was sent to investigate, then another once a news crew arrived and started setting up their van. More and more journalists appeared, much to Rachel's delight as she posed and put on her showbiz face for anyone with a camera lens. Puck had his top off to save time, so he said, and was showing off his guns to a camera woman who was giggling. "Go on, have a feel of these babies," he winked at her.

"I've a list of twelve carefully selected songs from musicals where the heroes are up against overwhelming odds and have to fight to save the day," she announced to the group who all ignored her apart from Kurt.

"Anything from 'Les Mis'?" he asked.

"Of course," Rachel grabbed a hold of Kurt's arm in excitement, her eyes gleaming. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Is it, ' _Do you hear the people sing'_?"

They both squealed in excitement and started singing but no one else joined in, not that that dampened their enthusiasm.

"Or we could sing 'Don't stop me now', you know, a song that everyone already knows the words to," Tina suggested, but Kurt and Rachel were too far gone to care.

The cops approached with heavy duty cutters and began to clip through the cable-ties, methodically working their way along the rows of protesters. When one reached over to take Brittany's arms, Santana lost it.

"Don't you fucking touch her or Lima heights wont know what the fuck is going down. I will ends you!" She screamed at them. "Britt!"

Santana wrenched herself out of the another cop's grip and jumped into her girlfriend's lap, wrapping her arms and legs around Brittany and clicked on the handcuffs Future Brittany had given her. She made sure they were looped around the chain which had been used to tie and lock the door handles to the main entrance of the restaurant closed.

The two officers trying to deal with the two of them sighed. They knew these two.

"We're going to need some heavy duty bolt croppers here. And a hacksaw!" One called over to his colleagues.

Santana and Brittany found themselves face to face and temporarily undisturbed as the cops unclipped everyone else then had to start over again when they realised everyone had retied themselves up with more cable-ties. They then discovered everyone was connected with a reel of wire running through their jackets and every long sleeved top, belt loops and every available orifice.

"Hey," Brittany stared at Santana.

"Hi."

"Don't cry."

"I'm not," Santana sniffled then snarled as a cop got too close trying to figure out how to untie them. "They shouldn't go near you, that's all," she said with a snort as he tripped over backwards in his rush to get away from them.

"Ladies," a reporter coughed and interrupted them. "Lima District Times. Mind if I ask a few questions?"

"Sure."

"What is the purpose of your protest today?"

"We're defending our right to free bread sticks."

"I notice you're in a very close position. Do you know each other, or are you just tied together?"

"Yes."

"Santana. WOHN. You've contacted us on numerous occasions to express your views on the Breadstix chain and in your latest phone call you invited us here for the protest. You mentioned a lot of interesting things which our viewers would like to know more about. In what way does Breadstix mistreat its customers?"

"By demolishing the premises, how much more disdain could they have for their customers? They are leaving the population of Lima with no date worthy restaurants and will be putting thousands of under-age Russian peasants out of work in their Siberian bread stick making factories."

Quinn and Mercedes caught each others eye after hearing that declaration and quickly looked away before they had a chance to start a fit of the giggles.

"What that actually means is," Brittany spoke up. "We are outraged at the way Breadstix treats its customers and the company's attempts to restrict the free flow of breadsticks throughout the country. Everyone should be free to love their 'sticks in any way they want to, and no one has the right to take that away from them."

Santana looked up at her from where her head rested on Brittany's shoulder, unable to to turn and look at the camera and journalists.

"Do you have anything to add to that, Miss Lopez?" A microphone was shoved closer.

"Marry me?" Santana said without thinking twice about it as she gazed adoringly up at her eloquent girlfriend.

All the camera flashes went off at once and the spotlights from the TV crews spun around to land on them, blinding the girls momentarily. A hush fell over the crowd as they awaited Brittany's reply.

"Well, duh. You're my baby momma." The red flush across her cheeks and down her neck were a indicator of how much she meant that answer. She smiled and dipped her head to meet Santana in a kiss.

Quinn started laughing along with the rest of the Glee club who cheered and laughed and more than a few wiped away a tear as the two girls got lost in the taste of the others' lips.

"It's a shame Sugar isn't here to see this," Quinn said, unable to keep the smile from her face as she watched her friends.

* * *

 

On the far side of the Breadstix parking lot Sugar squealed at the sight unfolding before her eyes and started pogo-ing on the spot with unrestrained happiness.

"Time to go," Future Santana sighed with contentment and lifted her wife's hand to her lips where her fingers were entangled with her own.

"Be honest," Brittany said. "It was my defence of your love of stale sticks of bread that made you do it."

"It was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me," Santana gave her a cheeky grin.

"No, wait! I want to watch this," Sugar begged. "You guys are so adorable. What's happening? Is it saved yet?"

"No."

"But what, we're just going to leave? What about Breadstix? I don't get it, what's happening?" Sugar was buzzing with excitement.

Santana didn't even look back as she took Sugar's hand and walked her to their car.

"We came for you, and sure, we got to go to Breadstix; see you perform and saw this moment again."

"But, but..." The truth began to dawn on Sugar. "They're going to knock it down anyway, aren't they?"

"Yup. It does have toxic dust in the roof after all. Even I wont eat sticks with toxic dust on them."

"Did you know that, back then? That you couldn't stop it."

Santana shook her head in reply.

"So you gave it up, just like that, for mom?" A holy flying pig-shit moment struck Sugar and her parents laughed at the look of comprehension on her face. "This is where you proposed to mom,  _that's_  why this is important," a huge grin spread across her face. "That's why Breadstix matters. You and mom."

Santana grinned.

"Smart girl. And if you really want to know what happens next... I get too majorly distracted by your mom to care about it anymore. She's way more important than any mouldy old bits of bread."

"Thanks, I think," said Brittany. "Still-twelve-boxes-of-sticks-in-the-trunk," she coughed, in a half hearted attempt to disguise the words.

"All the protesters are removed," Santana continued, while shooting Brittany an indignant glare. "Rachel even gets arrested. She does get a little over zealous about things and was stupid enough to bite a cop. Then my dad has to come get us from the cop shop and I pick up an application form for the police academy. The pictures are all over the internet, we'll look it up when we get back. You can see when they take us away in the riot van, me and your mom are handcuffed together. They never did find those keys."

"But I thought we were here to save it?"

"Sugar baby," said Santana as she opened the car for them. "We've got a time machine! We can come back any time and get 'stix. It's all history."

Sugar settled on her mom's lap in the passenger side and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. Santana looked at the two of them fondly.

"Is Aunty Q gonna be mad when we get back?"

"Oh yes. For so many reasons. Not least because I still haven't paid her for smashing into her car at least three times. We should leave her and your brother a little longer to get full worth out of it. So, where do you want to go?"

"I want to see some dinosaurs," Brittany suggested.

"I want to see spandex in its natural 70's habitat," Sugar optioned.

Santana scrunched the gears.

"Or maybe we should go back so Mami can take her driving test again." Sugar and Brittany snickered quietly to Santana's annoyance.

"I know that the girl who wants driving lessons off me did not just say that."

Sugar squashed her lips together and tried not to laugh aloud.

"Do you want me to drive?" Brittany asked, faux-innocently.

"No. I know how to do it. God, I can drive, you know. Where are my glasses?" She stalled the car. "Mother fu-"

"Santana!"

"You know what? It's about time Sugar learned to drive."

"What? Really?" Sugar squealed and sat up suddenly, banging her head on the roof in the process.

"Sure, get in the drivers seat."

Brittany's eyes widened but she didn't object. "We're never going to get home at this rate," she said under her breath as Sugar and Santana got out of the car again.

 

* * *

 

Teenage Quinn raised an eyebrow as she watched an Adult version of Santana and a teenage Sugar get out of the Delorean on the far side of the parking lot. Sugar grabbed the older Santana in a bear hug and then half bounced, half ran to the drivers side.

Quinn turned her head slowly to the right where teenage Santana was attached at the lips to teenage Brittany, while flashbulbs went off in their faces.

"Ladies. I'm from Tumblr blog, 'fuckyeahbreadstix'. For our followers worldwide we'd just like to commend you on the strength of your convictions and let you know you have our full support. We have friends in high places and we'd like to make you our Breadstix customers of the month and offer a lifetime supply of sticks for you and your girlfriend."

"Fiancé" Quinn corrected him.

"Fiancé," the reporter said with a smile. "Congratulations. Um, girls, can we get a quote, or a picture?" he asked the oblivious couple.

Santana reached her free hand back without taking her attention off Brittany and gave him the finger.

"If they tear down Breadstix how will they get their lifetime sticks?" Mercedes asked on Santana's behalf.

"Haven't you heard? Breadstix delivers. They'll be transported from the next closest restaurant."

"This is the best day ever," Santana gasped, coming up for air.

* * *

 

The Delorean lurched along the parking lot, running over a couple of shrubs until it stopped suddenly against the back wing of Quinn's car.

A door opened and Quinn watched from her place in the midst of the protest as Future Brittany stuck her head out to look at the damage.

"It's only a scratch." Quinn watched her lips move, talking into the car.

The engine roared but the car went nowhere, what with it being out of gear. Adult Brittany looked up and locked eyes with Quinn who she then had the nerve to wink at and blew her a kiss.

"Santana will pay for it," she yelled and waved, then closed the door again.

Quinn turned back to her friends where teenage Brittany was having her face sucked off by Santana as they furiously made out in front of the press, camera crews and a live feed to the internet. She shook her head as though to clear her vision.

"I better be maid of honour," she jabbed Santana in the ribs and joined in the chant the rest of the group were shouting.

"Save our Stix! Save our Stix!"

 

* * *

 

**Lopez Residence, 2034**

Future Santana threw down the car keys and then reverently placed a box of Breadstix bread sticks on the kitchen table as she and Brittany flopped down on the nearest chairs, exhausted. They all startled when a furious banging started up at the back door.

"I think its for you, babe," Brittany waved a hand towards the door and took a huge mouthful of ice cold water Sugar had just handed her. Sugar ignored the banging and continued rummaging through the fridge.

"Santana Lopez, open this door right now before I break it down. I know you're in there and I know where you've been, or should I say  _when_  you've been."

"Britt, tell her I'm not here," Santana whispered, recognising Quinn's 'angry' voice.

Brittany rolled her eyes and opened the door and was immediately latched onto barnacle style by a six year old boy with a wild shock of brown hair.

"Mommy!"

Brittany chuckled and hugged him back. "Hey baby boy, did you have a good day at school?"

"We made rockets and mine went the furthest and then I made one in Aunty Q's kitchen to show her but it blew a hole in the ceiling."

"Awesome. We'll make real rockets in the backyard this weekend. I'll show you how to refine rocket fuel."

"No flammable liquids in this household, Britt, remember?"

"Awww," both Brittany and their son wore identical pouts.

He jumped up on Santana's lap and she peppered kisses all over his face. "Protect me from Aunty Q," she whispered.

Quinn stumbled in behind him, arms full of school bags, clothes and a muddy football kit and dropped them all against the wall.

"Thanks for looking after Tony, Q. I hope he wasn't too much trouble." Brittany grinned at her and pulled her in a quick hug.

"Nothing I'm not used to."

Quinn walked past Sugar and ruffled her hair affectionately then doing a double take as she noticed what Sugar had accessorised her silver jumpsuit with. "Nice, uh... I don't really know what to say. Why the day glo pink spandex, Sugar?" Quinn asked as she sat down opposite Santana, Sugar to her right and Brittany to her left.

"We went to 1974," Sugar replied with her mouth full of breadsticks. "People are so weird. I cant believe it ever went out of fashion.

Quinn raised an eyebrow as she noticed Santana's rainbow striped leg warmers.

"I don't want to talk about it," Santana took a long sniff of the box of bread sticks, savouring the scent. "Quinn used to have her hair that colour, remember Britt?"

"I remember," Sugar smirked at her aunt.

"And remember when I said 'don't tell anyone we have time machine', Sugar?"

"What? She already knew."

"Nice bread sticks," Quinn pulled one out of the box on the table and took a bite.

"Hey, those are very precious and highly sought after."

"Only to you, S, only to you. They still taste like cardboard." She pulled a face and put down the rest of the stick. "So, I've calculated that, considering that my car is now a classic and with inflation and interest, you owe me $2000 for repairs to the wing, ten thousand for therapy bills and ten billion dollars for the psychological stress of you going time travelling without telling me and then freaking teenage me out with it. Shall I take the supposed priceless stale bread out of that total?"

"It was all Sugar's fault!" Santana huffed.

Sugar looked affronted.

"Mom, you made a time machine?" Tony asked, excitedly. Brittany nodded and smiled at him. "Cooool. Does it go to the future?"

"Huh, I don't know. We haven't tried that yet."

"Nor is anyone going to!" Santana slapped her palm down on the table for emphasis. "And you can all stop looking at me like all this was my fault in the first place," Santana huffed, pointing to the two other people at the table who had participated in time travel. Quinn and Brittany started laughing at the look on Santana's face.

"Tell you what," Quinn offered. "You pay for the repairs to the gaping hole in my kitchen ceiling and we'll call it quits."

"Yeah, love you too, Q," Santana rolled her eyes. She looked down at Tony still seated in her lap. "A rocket indoors, really?"

Tony beamed up at her. "What's for dinner?" he asked. "I'm starving hungry."

"Try one of these," Santana passed her son the box of genuine Breadstix bread sticks. "Did I ever take you to a little place called Breadstix? We should go."

"NO!" Everyone yelled, making Santana and Tony jump.

"Ewwwwww, they taste like twigs," Tony scowled and shoved a soggy bread stick back in the box. The insulted look on Santana's face made everyone laugh at her.

"Hey To-To, I got you a present. It's in the fridge," Sugar grinned at her little brother.

"I cant believe Brittany got you to name your son Toto," Quinn sniggered.

"His name is Antonio," Santana glared at her as the little boy ran over and opened the refrigerator door. He gasped in awe at whatever was on the shelf then wrapped his arms around it, hugged it to his chest and carried a giant, swathed, white ball to the table.

"What the hell is that?" Santana asked her daughter as the offending item rolled into the middle of the table.

"It's a dinosaur egg," Sugar beamed at them all.

No one moved a muscle as they all stared at the egg.

"What?" Sugar asked innocently. "It was just lying around for anyone to take."

"It's bigger than your head! And it's wrapped in my Batwoman t-shirt!"" Santana shrieked. "I spent years wondering where that went!"

"We'll have to take it back. Its mother will be missing it," Brittany said, eyeing it warily in case it decided to hatch there and then.

Tony stared at in wonder. "Can I come this time?"

"My shirt had better not stink of dino poop, Sugar!"

"It's an egg, why would it have poop on it?"

"It came out of a dino butt!"

Brittany, Quinn and Tony all stared solemly at the egg as Sugar and Santana argued over who exactly would be delicately hand washing Santana's signed, limited edition t-shirt.

"Get with it, mom! Its the 2030's and I bet it won't fit you anymore, anyway!"

"Oh no you did not just say that."

"It's not just me having visions of Jurassic Park, is it?" Quinn asked Brittany.

The End


End file.
